Hi Cat! H is certainly confused, doesn`t know where he fits, what he wants. But his indecisiveness is also a hallmark of his passive-aggressive issues: he`s used to a woman(MIL) deciding what he wants all his life and wants me to fill that role. Which I unwittingly did, for all of our married life.
So, part of my unhooking from H is not to make decisions for us anymore. I`ve just got a really decent lifeboat ready for me and the kids if he decides to hit that iceberg; the decision is him-stay or go-I won`t make it hard for him either way. He has to man up and be strong and honest.
Dunno if he`ll do that in this lifetime though!
I can wait. I can make this place really comfortable in every sense of the word. I`ve done a ton of work on me. The kids are doing fine and I`ve let trivial stuff slide.
But I won`t wait forever.
Where this ship is going I don`t know but its not going to take me -or the kids-down with it.
I`m becoming more separate from H anyhow. I don`t think we can stay at the same point in any relationship. When I saw him last night, for the first time in five days, I felt nothing. No emotion. He could have been the postman.Later, wondering if he`d decide to pick a row, I felt the fear/anger thing but kept it in check, distracted myself, indulged my sense of fun.
Jeff, I don`t expect my calmness to rub off on him anytime soon!When I heard him telling me "You`re the problem I have right now" I know he`s nowhere near addressing anything in himself.
I reckon I`m moving on and begining to waver in terms of my commitment to M.
