Divorce not busted 2

[sandi2]

C-Bart and Kara, thanks for adding your POV. Not to take over Orich's thread on this subject, but I do feel that so many people don't fully understand about detaching or about what unconditional love is and it causing a lot of confusion for them. I have noticed that it seems that men have a particular hard time detaching without acting "cold" and that is not how we are suppose to do in DBing. We are to lovingly detach. If we act cold, then the S will simply mark it down to us being mad and it doesn't help the stitch. I wanted to add this about unconditional love and then I've got to go to work but may be back later if anything else is said about the subject.


I know God has the ability to love us and reject the sin. He can separate the two. The way I was taught that Christians should “love’ mankind (even people we didn’t know or those who were the most horrible criminals imaginable) was to think of the body and soul of a person being two separate parts. The body is the part that does the thinking and the actions…therefore the sin and ugliness comes from that part. The soul (or heart) of a person is that part that we can love and that we do not want to see their soul go to hell. I believe it is hard for us human beings to always be able to separate the two in some folks…depending on their unholy actions or how close we are to them in R. My idea of what unconditional love for another person is like a pregnant woman who knows she is carrying this precious life within her stomach. She gets all excited when she begins to feel that life move around and get bigger. An amazing thing happens during the pregnancy. That mother loves that child with all her heart. She’s not see it, and would not know if it was a boy or girl (and she didn’t really care), she doesn’t know what it’s personality will be, or who it will look like or if it will be smart and talented…..a pregnant woman doesn’t have to wait to give birth to that child to feel like a mother. Those feelings start as soon as she knows she going to have a baby. And she loves that……as Dia would say…”kidlet” will all her being and she doesn’t have any ideal what that baby may turn out to be……or even if he’ll be healthy. Every mother just prays her baby will be healthy! Unconditional love? That’s when mothers carry a baby in their body and then are told that the baby will be severely mentally retarded and physically deformed ...and yet she will not allow any doctor to perform an abortion. Why? B/c she “loves” that baby totally & completely. We know the baby didn’t do anything to earn that love, but he was just “there” and he is her baby. I love to see expecting young mothers put their protective hands across the tummy as if shielding the baby. That is love.

When it comes to a MR, how do you separate that person you are M to? I mean, you can love their souls without loving the faults, etc., but it is their attitudes, actions, character, and all of that that combines “who” they are and why we fell in love with them. If all of that changes and they are totally different, then I think we have to put them in a category with the majority of people in the world and try to love their soul but I don’t see how we could say we are going to love the other part of them unconditionally or they would make our life a living hell on earth. It’s all in how people interpret what unconditionally means. A person doesn’t earn unconditional love. A person doesn’t “deserve” unconditional love. But in a MR, those “conditions” are usually mistreated and not respected when one of the partners say they are loving unconditionally. I find it interesting to see how many people who are very clingy, needy, and co-dependent are the ones who usually say this. They will not detach b/c of their own fear and using the excuse that they are going “WWJD” thing and love like a Christian…..well, it looks like a crutch to me. That’s pretty bluntly put, and it would take too many pages to explain all of that in detail, but that’s the general idea.