Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

I am so far from being a person who would take verbal abuse that I can’t imagine why your W would put up with that creep. I can understand her being like a different person with OM than her normal character b/c I did the same thing. But, I am wondering if she’s not really “seeing” the man he is today and if she is thinking of who he was in the past.

I also cannot relate to the verbal abuse and open disrespect. I guess if a WAW has low enough self esteem (for sure) AND is desperate to get her "fix" of OM AND is seeing OM as he was in the past (very likely)than I guess it's acceptable to her. I don't think it is an attempt by OM to get rid of my W- at least not yet. Whatever the reason it's my W's problem.

Does she really think you are buying that lie about her breaking up with OM a couple of weeks ago? Then she turns around and expects you to be understanding? Well, there is no using logic with her, that’s for sure.

No, and I don't know why she is even bothering telling people this story. Maybe it is her way of trying to blunt everyone's concern for her since the whole family is pissed off about her EA and what a complete scumbag OM is.

You might want to see what I wrote on Orich’s thread (Divorced not Busted 2) in Newcomers, about unconditional love. It amazes me what some people brand as “unconditional" love. I don’t really see how a person with any self-respect could be in a MR where they would sit back while their spouse did some kind of ungodly or illegal actions and continue to love them (in the way we think of loving) in spite of what they do. Maybe I’m the one with a warped mind but somehow I feel that if your stitch was turned the other way around…your W would not be feeling so “unconditional” about her love for you!

I'll check out that thread. BTW, it wasn't my intention in my post to imply that tolerating my W's crap was unconditional love- it's not. It's just when my W starts with the criticisms it pisses me off- I'd like a little damn credit for my efforts here! Especially since most H's would NOT be so patient! (Yes, I know, wishful thinking.)

Don't get me wrong here. I appreciate the concern for my self respect- it's an issue that has been raised before by several of my friends in the recent past. If I didn't think my W was not presently right psychologically and emotionally, I'm not sure I would be able to exercise the amount of patience with my W that I currently am. The fact is, my W is in the midst of a serious personal crisis. I don't like having to swallow my pride for the time being, but it is what it is. It's a casualty of fighting for my M and my family. I realize I have my limits. I don't presently know exactly what they are, but I will know it when I reach them. I really hope for my W's sake I don't, because it won't be good- I am not going to allow her to damage me like that. I have no intention of sacrificing myself to the point of losing my self respect. All the more reason to focus on detachment.