I'd say, if you were asking your question to an LD person, they would say absolutely not, sex is not worth ending an otherwise 'good' marriage.
However, you are not LD. You have a real need and I don't think you should attempt to minimize that need because of a fear of ending your marriage. (A justifiable fear, I might add).
I was your wife at one time. I was oblivious to the pain my misunderstanding of his sexual needs caused him. I did not think that our lack of sex was a reason to divorce... until we reached that point. I was still lost until I found Michele's book. And even after I read it, I still had some tough decisions to make. Reading and understanding, and putting that into practice are two very different things. I am fortunate that I was able to find understanding in time to save my marriage.
Unfortunately for you, you have to wait on someone else to hit the 'ahha' moment. Because you don't have children, I have to say that I personally think you should not wait forever. But only you can decide how long to hang in there.
I think you have done just about everything under the sun to get through to your wife. She knows how you feel, you have had the talk. It is up to her now. I hope she has it in her to step up to the plate. If she doesn't, you are going to have to come to grips with that.
My advice to you is to hang in there as long as you are able... but don't wait forever. The longer you stay, the harder it will be for you to leave... and the greater risk you will take of her becoming pregnant. And if you are feeling 'stuck' now, you can't even begin to imagine the inner turmoil you'll go through if she does become pregnant before the two of you have figured out this issue.
I'm sounding very doom and gloom for one so typically upbeat, I know. I'm pretty much 'for' keeping marriages together. But I now truly understand the pain you are going through, and I don't think anyone should have to endure for a lifetime, especially if you do not yet have children.
