On the verge of a meltdown.

[harpo]

So what are you doing to work on your right now....and I mean really work on you?
What's going on with the D? Where does that stand?
What's your wife's deal?
Where are you living and where is she living?

As far as working on me.I lead a much healthier lifestyle.eating right,walking.I have been in therapy for over a year now.and I have a very PMA with me.I have become more spiritual and started
giving back with the talents I have been blessed with.I am a musician at heart,play with a christian band and teach guitar just for the sake of teaching.something I never had the patience for before."I am living in a deeper state of now".

as far as the D.she filed in February and she is just waiting on the courts.she insists she is done and will not consider MC
unless it is geared towards a divorce.I tried to get her to go to retro at first she said yes but then she said all I am trying to do is get my family back.(DUH)she says she has been miserable for twenty years.I don't buy into that.we went on a Marriage Encounter back in Feb 07.at that point she said we had a good M she just wanted to make it better.it actually was but in contrast for me this is were the DoDo hit the blade. Just prior to our M.E my brother lost his wife suddenly,we were all very close.then June 07 I lost my father after a year long battle with cancer.on my way to his wake I was in a serious auto accident in my 1965 Mustang it was my third ride.
a truck dropped a pallet of driveway pavers in front of me I didn't have time to react and hit it at 55.I should have went to the hospital but I had to get to the service.turned out I had 2 herniated discs.I need to have a disc replaced and spinal fusion.I have been fighting all this time and just recently have been approved for the surgery.hence the SAHD and no income

What's your wife's deal?
still trying to figure this one out.granted I have not been without faults I have made stupid mistakes.but we worked through them.but lately not sure she turned 42 in April.she had a hysterectomy Last Oct.and I had a serious battle with depression,bad episode with medication interaction,and at one point thought I was having a stroke.and I stopped taking meds
which turned out to be a mistake on my part.serious detox and anger issues.at this point she became very demeaning which was just gas on the proverbial fire.so I guess this is where some of my guilt comes to play

Where are you living and where is she living?
She is living with her parents and 4 of my 5 children.My oldest S20 lives with his girlfriend but is soon to be home because she is off to college.that is another novel in itself
and lots of our issues stem from this but now is not the time.She has been living there since May 10.since then she has tried several ploys to get me out.turned off all utilities.I had to sell some collectible guitars I had which in this economy really killed me but it had to be done.the sad part is my kids suffer as I was saving for them.I have since gone on Public Assistance and Food Stamps and just scraping by.The mortgage is 2 months behind.she keeps asking me when I am going to move out but I have no where to go.my family is 2 hours away and I will never see my kids so that is NOT an option.she says she has been looking for places to rent but it is $1000 or more plus 2 months security so she cant swing it
(drip,drip)my heart bleeds.and the kids are back in school soon so she is panicky.

o.k if this was not enough to believe here comes the main course.My wife is a Corrections Officer going on 9 years now
it is a real s***hole of a place to work.they just treat her like crap on top of all the BS from General Population.add to that she works midnight shift and rarely gets more than 4 hours sleep.I have seen her go 36 hours with no sleep.added to her meno-midlife-hipocrytical state. ok it's out

Sorry for the long read but I couldn't make it up if I wanted to and believe there is more.My shrink is going to sell it to Lifetime Movies. wouldn't that just chap my hide.

God Bless.