A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

DB Coaching session went really well. I feel a lot more confident and a lot more comfortable with the sitch. She gave me some very specific pointers and suggestions, and in particular, she told me how to handle the fact that I need to go up north this week for more interviews after Mr. Pissy-Pants pitched such a fit.

And the answer was... Act As If. Treat it casually as if I'm sure he'll agree. *shrug* Ho'kay.

I will be buying a 3 or 6 pack of sessions when I have the funds to do so.

[Dia]

As per discussion with DBC, I called H to discuss the interviews this week. I was light, casual, happy and acted-as-if. He was groggy but equally casual and positive. The invitation is still open for me to stay there, and we joked and bantered about a few things before the end of the call.

It was a positive interaction, which is nice since the last one was a bit of a train wreck.

The reason for a call instead of an email is that a call leaves nothing up to interpretation regarding my tone. If H was still in a negative frame of mind, an email could have come across as sulky or passive aggressive even if that's not how it was written. Voice contact would avoid that, plus give the greatest opportunity for positive synergy.

And it worked.

[sandi2]

The reason for a call instead of an email is that a call leaves nothing up to interpretation regarding my tone. If H was still in a negative frame of mind, an email could have come across as sulky or passive aggressive even if that's not how it was written. Voice contact would avoid that, plus give the greatest opportunity for positive synergy.

Smart Cookie!

[Dia]

H will have a house full of people during my next visit. My FIL will be there, as will my SIL with her baby, my 18-month-old niece that I haven't even seen yet!

Here's the scoop:

FIL is a decent guy. Compassionate, helpful, knows I want to reconcile with H.

SIL is a toss-up. She's made overtures to me before about being closer, and at the time of the sep she told me she hoped I wouldn't just fade away. I reached out to her a little while back and never heard thing one from her. Nobody would ever send me pics of the baby, so I sorta took that as not being welcome to see my niece and left it alone. Am planning to bring baby a small present. (I'm a sucker for babies.)

MIL - Once you get past the green nose and pointy hat.... (humor!!) she's manipulating and controlling bar none. Remember the D-'s, family friends who offered me a temporary place to stay if I needed it? Well, apparently MIL has said that if the D-'s take me in, they are choosing me over her and she will consider them disloyal. And now the D-'s have told me I can't stay at their place. She has also told FIL that if H reconciles with me, she will throw him out of the house and disinherit him by writing him out of the family trust. H's parents own the house that H and I were renting and H still lives in. FIL says he's not sure she actually would, but get this - he said he will probably go along if she does because if he doesn't it would probably mean a divorce for them. (Can you say 'dysfunctional'? I knew you could!)

MIL will not be there in person, but I am dead certain she will be there in spirit. SIL may or may not be her stooge.

Aside from setting up video cameras to capture these lovely family moments for my own personal reality show, does anyone have suggestions?

And just to cap it off, house is 3 beds, 1.5 baths, maybe 1200 sq ft and will be occupied by 4 adults, a 9 yr old, a toddler and 2 cats.

Um - Can I just stay with one of you lot instead??

[Coach]

does anyone have suggestions?

Boundaries for all your relationships.

Don't worry about what other people think. They change the unwritten rules once you start to get them figured out.

How is the healthier, wiser, stronger and more loving Dia going to handle it?

Cheers

[Dia]

Well, for one, Dia's gonna love on that baby no matter what!!

As for the rest of them, I am who I am. If SIL wants to be close and I don't get the sense that she's on a spying expedition for MIL, I'll be close. Might even be fun. It's entirely possible that I'll be too busy this trip to have much time for H unless he goes out of his way to make time. *shrug* I'll leave that up to him.

Mostly my expectations for this visit are that everyone gets out alive. If we can add 'unbloodied' to that, I'll call it a success.

Thanks, Coach!

[Dia]

Journaling - but feel free to comment.

Strange day. Up early, good session with DB coach. Good phone call with H.

Viewed a really amazing condo here in the desert. It's everything we (kidlet and I) need and more. Good location, reasonable price. If I knew for sure that I was staying here, I'd have put money on it today.

Since I've been losing weight hand over fist and cleaning out my closets in prep for the move, I found a dress I bought awhile ago but have never worn. It was too tight when I bought it but on sale enough that I grabbed it anyway (is that pure female or what? I've never heard of a guy doing that). It's just above the knee, clingy, and it's got stylized peonies in white and periwinkle blue on a black background. Anyhow, I saw it and wondered if it would fit now.

Oooh-la-la. Not only does it fit but it shows off my new shape quite nicely. It definitely showcases my best assets. It's also got these dangly ties on the sleeves and bodice that will drive H absolutely wild wanting to tug or play with them.

I am SO wearing this dress tomorrow.

[The Wifey]

Dia,

Make him notice you but keep those ties out of his little fingers. Act as if the family is close and warm, and overlook or bite your tongue when they tick you off. You know it quite possible could happen and you can prepare for it.

Good job on the weight loss! I am sure you are going to be smokin' hot in the dress.

[Dia]

Hmmm, I guess there are a few good things about being by myself. I *love* sweetcorn and it was 4 ears for a buck at the store today, so I got 4. And ate every single one! Just for once, it was nice not having to share.

[Dia]

Wow, full day already.

Was up early to do assessments for the employment agency I'm meeting with. That was an exercise in frustration because their program kept hanging, crashing and generally NOT acting like MS Word or whatever program it was supposed to emulate.

Then I went to haul more boxes prepping for the move. 2 hours hard labor in the heat. Fielded some calls and things for jobs, came home, took 15 mins nap and now need to hit the shower so I can primp and preen for the drive north.

On the way out of town (or before I leave) I have to print some things off, get gas, stop at the bank, maybe pick up snacks for the road, and grab a present for my niece that I've never seen.

Then I have a 4 hr drive to the family-under-the-microscope weekend.

Yay? Ugh? Whatever.