Oh, MJ, I am so sorry that you have that picture in your head! I'm glad that you had your mom's to go to to get away from it, your friend to be there for you, and that you didn't buy groceries before you left!
"So the whole week while I was gaining strength in the Lord, he was off playing in his sin." - you are the clear winner here! At least you can rest in that knowledge and hold your head up high.
I don't know what advice to offer you. I wish I did. Just stay strong.
As if we didn't put enough mental pictures in our heads they just keep adding to them...
I am happy you were at your Moms' house and didn't buy him any food either
I second what TF above me said..."So the whole week while I was gaining strength in the Lord, he was off playing in his sin." - you are the clear winner here! At least you can rest in that knowledge and hold your head up high.
Keep your faith
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Thanks for your good thoughts. You are both right, I do feel like I am winning. As I continue to live a life in the word of GOD, he continues to live his life of sin. I may have said this before, but I will say it again. I would rather have a broken heart and a clear conscience, than to do to him what he has done to us. As far as holding my head up high... I know I should be, but I'm having trouble doing this. Whenever I am out, store, restaurant etc. I feel self conscience. I don't want to run into any of those ex friends who betrayed me. I don't know what I would say to them. I also don't want to run into people who H has told that we are getting a D so that's why he has ow. I so want to set them straight. AND, I especially don't want to run into skank. I don't know what I would do.
H did not say a word to me when he left for work this morning. I couldn't tell if it was anger or depression. Why do they continue to treat you like you've done this to them?! He used to call me mid morning and want me to meet him for lunch. Now I am told skank goes to his office and they go for lunch. She has taken my place. (sigh)
I noticed last night that H had his hand wrapped up. I have no idea what he did, but looks serious with all the bandages and dressings that he bought. I thought it may be persueing, so I didn't ask him about it. Also I didn't care to hear a beligerant answer he may have given me.
H morning routine has changed somewhat. He used to leave about 1 1/2 hours before he needed to be at work. Now he leaves 1/2 hour before work. I know I shouldn't be analyzing because it drives me crazy. My friend reels me back in and reminds me where my focus should be.
Tonight H came home from work, changed into his shorts, grabbed a book and left. Where do you go and read a book. If he went to ow with that book, could things be getting that boring. I was on the phone when he left, but he looked over at me and gave me a see ya later grin.
The joy of the Lord is my strength Keep my eyes on the prize Focus, focus, focus
When H came home last night, I decided to ask him why his hand was bandaged up. He has skin cancer on the back of his hand, and had surgery on it. He had a sore on the back of his hand for years that wouldn't heal. He finally decided to have it checked out. He says they think they got it all. I just said "Oh". Now after thinking about it today, it sounded rather cold. OW is probably babying him to death, and all I had to say was "Oh!" Shame on me! I need to put the hurt he's put me through aside for just a little while.
So... I'm trying to think of something I can say or do that would not be persueing. Any ideas?
Unconditional love does not mean you have to baby him. You might ask if its healing well. Let it go at that. As far as treating him, treat him like he is a business partner. Try reading Citygirl's threads for inspiration.
Your H sounds a lot like his.
You grow in Christ by letting go and letting God. And if you think you should soften the blow when he falls AT ALL, just know that isn't God's plan.
Those ex-friends were obviously never Your friends. They just accepted you when you with H. They are nothing. They don't matter. Who cares what he tells them, because God knows the truth and he blesses you twice because of it. H, not so much.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Hey, MJ. Hope your weekend is going okay so far. I just caught up on your thread. Interesting your H took a book with him.:) I know, it is impossible to try to figure them out and drives us crazy to do so!
I love your words: The joy of the Lord is my strength Keep my eyes on the prize Focus, focus, focus
Great for me today! H and I had quite a conversation last night and it wasn't particularly "fun." Now I am trying to regroup and get my PMA back. Some of the things my H was questioning and really pushing me on about MY feelings I think he is just wondering why I am still here and not bolting with what I have been going through. Unconditional love . . . didn't say that to him, though.
Aren't you a teacher? Do you start back soon?
Know that you are in my prayers, keep that head up as high as you can.:)
I started back to work today, and it went by fast. It did me good, I hardly thought of H at all.
I went to my mom's again this weekend. Since we still live together, him filing, having ow, I find it hard to stay home on the weekends and watch his coming and going. Before I left, I took his Bible off the shelf, left a note on some healing scriptures, and told him I hope he was healing nicely.
Hmm... Gotta go, H just walked in with tons of groceries and being very nice. I wonder if the mother ship is circling.
... So I'm helping him put groceries away ( he wasn't doing very good one handed, sometimes he doesn't do very good at putting them away two handed) and I am taking notice of everything he bought. There were all kinds of things I like. Everything from my fav flavor of ice cream to mushrooms to diet coke, to yogurt ( which he doesn't like what so ever). He even bought one of those broasted chickens that was nice and hot, with potatoe salad to go with it. If you had asked him yesterday, he couldn't have told you anything I liked. He was even talking to me like he did before MLC. I haven't seen him like this in a LOOOOOONG time. OK, I need to get my focus back where it needs to be. I know how that pendulum swings. Fasten my seat belt!!
Could he be coming out of the fog... Mmmm.... Nah, probably not (yet)
