It sounds like you set some really good boundaries for yourself which are also sensitive to the needs of her children. Her kids don't sound ready to have so much interaction with another man in their mother's life.
When you speak to her, speak from your heart. Tell her how you feel about her, how you recognize this behavior from your experiences with your stepdaughters. That at this point seeing each other sans children is the best course for you. It's not a rejection of her children. It's understanding that some things can be bewildering and hurtful to children whose parents are divorced/divorcing. And negative and/or overly ingratiating behavior is sometimes the only way they know to express it.
You're a good, caring, thoughtful, sensitive guy, Giovanni. And I'm glad to see you're no longer being 'masochistic' for the sake of a date.. forced togetherness. Masochism.. bad bad bad. Ask yourself why you agreed to it.
