What to do when H doesn't contact?

[beepee]

Hi Lost:

H hasn't filed for D yet becase of his sitch. I just received an email from him today for the first time in awhile, and of course, its because he needs something. His visa expires AUG 31st and if he filed for D and the D doesnt go through before then, he has to leave the country, thats why he hasn't filed yet. His email today asked me to sign forms stating that we are married so that he can stay in the country. I feel like he is just using me, I'm pretty sure that if I sign those forms, he will file D papers right away after securing his stay in the States.

I know its only been 2 months. It feels like a million years so I can't imagine how you might be feeling after 9 months. I don't know if I could make it that far at all. I admire your strength, even though you feel like you don't have much at the moment.

Chin up! I'm trying to stay positive even after this request from H.

[mermaid]

Lost
I am sorry. I remember those early days, weeks, months and yes even years. It will take time to get through all of this. Allow yourself time to grieve. Let the emotions come and wash over you. It took me a long time to get back my self esteem. But in the end it was a journey I am glad that I was forced on. I am much happier with who I am.

It will take time but as some wise person said it is what you do with that time that will heal your wounds. Take care of yourself and your children.

Also visit mlc board. Depression and mlc are so similar I think you can find some really good resources and similarities in stories there.

[Goodfight]

BP,

That is a tough sitch! I don't know what I would honestly do as far as signing the papers. I wouldn't be of much help on that one. I really think you should ask others on this board for some advice.

Please let me know what you decide and how you are doing.

Mermaid,

Thanks for the advice and to visit the mlc board. How did you end up making out with your M?

[beepee]

Hi Lost:

Ive gotten some great advice on my thread and I have decided to let him sweat it out a little bit. Im not going to contact him for another few days. And..I have decided to tell him I wouldn't sign it. He chose to leave, he chose to put himself in this situation, its not up to me to bail him out whenever he needs help, especially when hes not even willing to bend over backwards for me.

I hope you're doing well! What are you plans for today? The weekend?

[Goodfight]

Kevin,

I can't thank you enough for the website that you suggested! It gave me so much hope! I have been praying every day since Nov. and was just ready to give in thinking it is not God's will for us to reconsile and then you came along!

This is great! I'm reading more and more on the site and printed out some prayers for our marriage. Thanks again once more! You are right about other people giving up too quickly. I was on another site and it was about depressed spouses that walk away and they have only given them around 6 months and then filed for a divorce. They are thinking nothing will ever change and the WAS will never want to return. And one of the people that are doing going through filing for a divorce is the one that told me about this site. I just don't get it. How people could just give up. Especially if the other spouse is ill.

Even though my H filed for a divorce in Jan. he has not pursued it any further so I'm not going to give up and you have made such a difference in my life, you will never know how much! Thanks once again and I will keep you posted.

I just hope that H contacts our D like he said he would. That would be a baby step at least.

How are you doing?

[K4D]

Hi Lost41,

I am so glad that I was able to help you. That site has really helped me to when people told me there was no chance. Even now it looks hopeless. At times I wanted to quit and walk away. But that site rejubinated me to keep standing for my M and does every day. I try to pass it along to others as well in hopes that maybe it will give them more faith to continue standing and praying while they wait for their S to return. At the same time, don't quit working on yourself. You want to make sure you are ready when he returns. Also, it could be a long ride. So just be patient and keep faith and keep praying.

If you happen to search for FaithfulH and read his thread, he directed me to that site. He was able to restore his M and now helps others. He met Bob and Charlene twice in Florida and says they are really great people.

I am now part of a standers group as well that FaithfulH is in. I'm glad you are not giving up. I am not either.

I'm doing ok. I am just continuing to pray and read things on the rejoice ministries site each day as well as take life one day at a time. I used to look into the future with such dispair. Now its one day at a time and trusting and having faith that God will restore my M in his perfect timing as long as I follow him and do his will while praying for my W to return to Him and our M.

Keep looking through that site. There are a lot of scriptures, and devotions and a charlene cares daily email you can subscribe to and Saturday testimonies for God working in people's M's as well as on the front page a daily 5 minute message from Charlene that I listen to every day to get my morning started with encouragement. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and there are a ton of links for more encouragement you can click on.

If there is anything more I can do to help you, please let me know. I will continue to check in on you and see how you are doing.

Kevin

[Goodfight]

Hi Kevin,

Why do you think yours looks hopeless if the D was dismissed? I would think that would be a good sign.

[K4D]

Just frusturation at times of not being able to see the work God is doing on the other side of the mountain. I keep faith none the less. Its a long story. But I made so many mistakes continually that DBing says not to do. My W basically ran from me and wants nothing to do with me. She said had I just moved out initially when it all started and left her alone, maybe she would have considered me now. But she says not now and not ever now.

My W claims that she forgot about the D date in court because she was busy with other things and told me that she would just refile. She hasn't done it yet. But I also know she has been hit with a lot financially. She also makes twice as much as me and does not need me financially which further enables her to move on. She has been dating guys that make twice as much as me and said she would have to really consider dating someone that only makes what I do. There are a whole bunch of things that have to be worked through for both of us.

It is going to take a while for the restoration to occur. God has a lot of work to do on her and me. I am leaving her alone now and forming my own life. But I still pray for restoration every day and multiple times a day. I use a lot of prayers off the rejoice ministries site. I just didn't let go and let God early enough to where it made things much worse. I was so attached to her I couldn't see straight to save my life. I refused to let go and I kept trying to talk to her and prove my love to her and it always made things worse and I just didn't listen. I listen now. Only God can restore this now.

She has absolutely nothing to do with me except if it has to do with the kids. She is now dating other people and has moved on from the A and me which makes it harder. Had I just left her alone during the A and took care of myself, I would be in a far better position with her now. But stupid me did not. She thinks I was psycho because I broke down and kept pointing out scripture and other things that I should not have pointed out, out of fear of losing her.

It really appears hopeless for those reasons and other mistakes I made that I am cleaning up. But I know with God thanks to that site that nothing is hopeless with Him. He brought people back from the dead. He restored Hoseah's M in the bible. He converted Saul to Paul and had Jonah swalloed by a whale to take him where he wanted him. A person's will means nothing to God. He said he can change a heart of stone into a heart of flesh. He can resurect my M and I believe he will in his perfect timing. It just requires a lot of patience and work on my part so He can do His part.

Most people told me that my M was a lost cause and to just move on. I started believing it for a while until I met FaithfulH and he took me to that website. That website really changed my outlook and dedication back to my M. I was pretty much ready to walk like you were even though I knew it was wrong. I just didn't see any hope as bad as things had gotten and knowing how strong willed my W is when she makes up her mind on something. She rarely ever looks back once she makes a decision.

But we have a covenant with God and he wants our M restored. I'm actually getting better about things. I have much more faith in him now than before and I will continue to stand.

FaithfulH and rejoice ministries were the biggest blessing I could have asked for. They restored my faith and my stand.

Kevin

[jon2911]

Hey Lost,
Sorry that the hearing went so badly, it sounds like he's really messed up right now. I'm glad you have a lawyer involved. Just remember, the lawyer works for YOU.

Kevin,
I found out about you and FaithfulH on some other threads. I'm also in Dallas and am interested in meeting up. Will post on your thread.

Hang in there everyone!

[K4D]

Sorry to hijack Lost41,

Jon, if you want to meet for dinner or something let me know. FaithfulH won't be back in town until sometime later this month. He is in the transition of relocating down here.

Kevin