Did I welcome you to Piercing? Oh! welcome to Piercing and yes, it is tough. Damn tough and hard work too.
From where you guys have been, there is a lot of work to do. You and I are in the same situation as we have done the work and WAW's haven't done any work on their R skills.
From my reading of your post, I think you need to immediately break the tit for tat cycle of you hurt me and I hurt you. Continuing with only perpetuates it if neither is willing to back down. Mate, when someone is calling you an f'ing this and a f'ing that and you are sitting there saying I'm sorry that you feel that way takes alot.
It's hard to suck down your pride when someone hurls abuse at you and to either defuse or to walk away from the situation. Whether it is a spouse or anyone else for that matter.
Between you and your W, you have made a commitment to work on the M so, let that commitment happen. Any material you can lay your hands on regarding communications in marriage is vital. You guys don't seem to have the mutual respect of the others feelings under control. It's taken me a long time but today was the first day that my W respected and didn't argue against my feelings. But I was the one that started repecting hers 8 months ago and it's taken her this long to realise that the root of our problems were not communications but disrespect for each others feelings, not unlike the exchanges that you are having.
Unfortunately, the burden of first learning, applying demonstating and succeeding with repectful communications falls fairly and squarely on our shoulders. It is up to us to lovingly teach the derranged spouse how it is done properly.
Also, I have always maintained that I am smarter than my W so the responsibility of leading us to a better place lies with me. I accept it, it is an incredible challenge and we need to do it with control of our own feelings and an open heart.
I don't think that your W is any good at managing money. Neither is mine and she stinks at it. However, I have worked a system that works with us and W doesn't feel like she is being controlled (see my thread for details). You need to come up with a way which makes her accountable for her spend and one where she feels in control. Tough task, but not impossible.
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
