She didn't get me a birthday card, said she was busy getting all the parties in order.
PAY ATTENTION.. This shows her mindset. She doesn't have the correct feelings for you.
Quote:
She made a Mickey Mouse cake and decorated it from scratch. I complemented her on it, but didn't get much of a reaction. Once the kids go to bed, it seems, she kinda clams up.
Nice pursuit. She doesn't get you a card for your birthday, doesn't give you much of a reaction when you compliment her and then clams up when the kids go to bed and YET you want her MORE than ever... This only shows YOUR low self esteem and is nothing but pressure and pursuit. She feels it and senses it in you. I sense it too. Imagine how much MORE she senses your pursuit. You are not in reality about this. You are in denial.
Trying to get a woman to love you back or reconcile with you while she is treating you this way TURNS HER OFF. You are showing her that no matter how she treats you that not only will you be there for her, but you WILL TRY EVEN HARDER. The more she rejects you the more you try different approaches to show her how "deep and unconditional" your love is. You are sadly mistaken if you think this path will work. It won't.
Quote:
So, I told her since there was nothing else going on tonight, I would just turn in. I probably shouldn't have said it that way, but increasingly I am losing more and more control over my actions in that area.
Correct. You should NOT have said it that way. You are coming across as a little child that is feeling sorry for himself. You are "losing" more and more control? That is weak and that is NOT MASCULINE. Women are not attracted to weak men who have no control. Time to stop telling yourself this nonsense. (and it is nonsense) and to start acting like a mature strong confident man. No wonder she can't feel the right feelings for you. She treats you like crap and you not only take it, but seem to want her MORE. Women do NOT respect or feel love for a man who allows them to treat them like this, and then to top it off the man pursues and tries a different approach.. (the friend approach, the compliment approach, the card with what a great mother you are approach, etc. etc. etc.) Sounds like the "approach for the day".. What approach will it be today?
Now. After all of that.. Look what you do next... You asked HER if she wanted to go to dinner for your anniversary. She tells you no. MORE PURSUIT. No matter what yo call it, THIS TYPE OF STUFF IS NOTHING BUT PURSUIT. Until you can admit that, you are spinning your wheels. You gave her a card, you asked her to dinner, you compliment her. If this is not pursuing then what is it? Trust me. She feels it, she senses it. Every day from you.
Quote:
I did at one point over the past couple of days asked W if she wanted to go out to dinner for our anniversary tomorrow. I used the fact that one of our favorite restaurants sent us an anniversary coupon. She declined, saying that she has too much on her mind with all the gatherings. I call shenanigans on that one, but at least she didn't flatly say no way, not with you.
Quote:
I just bought 2 cards for my W for our anniversary tomorrow. Which one should I use?
God forbid that you DON'T get her a card. (which is what I would recommend for a woman who treats a man like your wife is treating you.) God forbid that you show some backbone or that you start to realize that rewarding her type of behavior is nothing more than enabling and nothing more than showing her that what works the best to get you to love her, is to show you that she isn't sure. YEP.. The less she gives you the more you try.
Quote:
I see your point, puppy, but do you think if she has a niggling feeling inside about loving me that reminding her that I can't stop loving her might help her to realize that I am worth staying with? I am not trying to connive her back into the M, just remind her what she would be giving up? Believe me, I know what you mean about being too needy, I thought about that when I bought it, but I thought it would help because I don't say ILY anymore, and I want her to know that I still do. Do you know what I mean?
Your mindset in your answer to Puppy says much. You will have your BEST chance for her to come back when you are saying things like this to yourself... "Do I have a niggling feeling inside about why would I keep trying to get a woman to love me and is SHE worth staying with a great man like me"
Quote:
I can't think of something she might have mentioned that she feels I am not giving her.
I can think of a number of things you are not giving her...
A man with confidence. A happy man. A secure man A man with enough backbone to say and ACT UPON.. fine, if you don't want me, then there are plenty of other fish in the sea who will want a man like me and they also WILL treat me well... And I WILL be witha woman who does. I am perfectly fine without you and as a matter of fact, maybe this IS for the best.
