I was just catching up on your posts. First, I wish you continued success w/ your W and w/ your business venture (just imagine if your book had a happy ending for all of the plots and subplots). Second, thanks for posting on my thread - I really appreciate the advice and if you have a moment, I would love to see what you think about my current situation.
A few posts ago you asked for a woman's opinion about your W reminding you that she is attractive and can take care of herself. In my opinion, I think this stems directly from your W's self-esteem. She needs to feel beautiful and need to know that she is still a "catch" in your eyes. I also think this ties in with her former jealousy of you and it means she needs reassurance. So, give her what she's asking for - tell her how wonderful she is, how lucky you are to have found such a beautiful W who can take care of things while you are away from home and how much you appreciate her.
Your right about the adventures - am actually looking forward to a more mundane life (LOL).
The repercussions can be serious if my wife was to become pregnant. Firtly for the child there is a significantly increased chance of heart disease and some other side effects.
For my wife the risk is the result of having to go ogg her tablets. She did go through her own hell once before I met her where she spent 6 months in a hospital (some strapped to a bed) and her greatest fear is being back there.
She is working with her doctor to get off the drugs (mainly Lithium). Her doctor thinks she does not need them anymore but the 'withdrawal' from the drug is a very gradual process. So if she keeps on her current plan she should be off them about mid next year if things keep going the way they are.
It is hard because we both would love kids and I had given up on the hope of having some - my wife even went through a stage about 5 years ago where she bought baby cloths. So now we will just take it easy and see where it goes.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
Well yes topsy turvy is certainly the word for it, but I guess it is better then the alternative. Your right about sterss - things that used to 'bug' me enourmousely and that I would stress over dont really matter anymore. Im happy in my little lot in life despite its frustrations.
You know I would have been really happy about her being pregant but it is better to do this properly under the medical supervision that she requires. So we will just see how that works itself out.
I have really relaised that my wife has a very low self esteem (a lot coming from her sickness in her early 20s). From this she thinks that she has failed a lot in life anmd that at least she has her 'looks' so she values herself against that. I think she has some real insecurities that I would abandon her when she got 'older' - maybe this was one of the things behind her actions in that she jumped before she thought I pushed her. Strange logic but I can see how she can get there. This compounded on her self assurity that I was having affairs probably pushed her in that direction as well (that is jump before being pushed) - add a bit of MLC in there as well and that makes for a volatile mix.
Her mum doesnt worry about looks at all. She was approached to take part at it when she was in college, did it for an adventure, then promptly had nothing more to do with it. She never did any modelling (her mum that is) just went back to college. Her mum was very succesful professionally in that she was on the baoard of an chaired a number of Government organisations and was actually on the econmonic advisory board to the prime minister. My wife has always felt she has let me mum down more on the professional success side.
I hope all is well and hope to catch up with you at Christmas.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
Nothing much new to report over here. We have reached agreement with the investors but are still a couple of weeks away from the transfers happening but every little step helps - Hope that champagne hasnt gone flat.
Things with my wife are going well and I am more confident every day that the worst is behind us. She openly tells me her feelings for me and I think we have come a long way. She is looking forward to me coming home and is now calling our holiday our second honeymoon. So I continue to learn from our interactions and I look for myself not falling back into my old patterns.
Im off to Japan on Sunday and will be away for a week, so this is a bit of a change from good ol Bangalore. Havent been toJapan for a few years so it will be good, plus I also get to spend a day in Hong Kong on the way back - which is one of my favorite places. My guide in Japan is the Prime Ministers cousin so I should have an interesting time.
Anyway another week in the journey and I hope all are well.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
Andrew, I must be dreaming, this can't be you posting! My W said those EXACT same words, I mean EXACT! "She said to me that she had realised that this was not making her happy. The closer it got to the court case the more she realised how final it all was. She then told me I was her rock and her best friend and that she did not want to loose me from her life. As she was saying this she stared to cry that real painful cry that you can tell comes from the heart" FU****G EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you understand me? E X A C T L Y !?!?!?!?!?
Three days later, I got a fax from her attorney that she was not going to settle per our agreement, and now wanted more $$$$$$$$. They want to re-appraise the house, and have me pay her the balance of what it is worth now, and what we sold it for! She wants $750.00 per month, and wants me to pay her lawyer $11,000.00 more.SHE SUCKERED ME IN WITH HER SWEETNESS!
The WA's cannot be trusted. Every time she comes to me crying, it cost me more money! I would bet that your W found out she was pregnant before she started all the "NICE" stuff to you! Now she is milking you for more $$$$$ and you are falling for it! The "switch" doesn't just doesn't turn on, it DOES take time! TREAD VERY CAREFULLY MY FRIEND!
Hey long time no see, good to see you back around although I feel for your circumstances.
in the four months since my wife and I hvae started this part of the bjourney I did have a numbr of thoughts in regards to 'why' this was happening. I did have trouble understading why this all happened so quickly - but I have realsied that it wasnt quick for her, it took her an amount of time in her own head to get where she got back in contact with me.
Yes I am still a bit careful financially and I admit that I will do things to make sure that I am protected in case she does this again. I know now that I could have broken her financially through the court case but I dont think that is why she has come back. We have gone on for another 4 months now with no money and having to be very frugal and she is becomming more and more supportive.
While I still have nagging doubts at times (smaller and smaller) I am really seeing her as being genuine in where we are going.
Mate I truely hope you get that happiness and peace that you deserve, you have been through hell and I hope that roller coaster levels out soon.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
Just a quick post from over here in Japan in some free time. All is going well and I saw a big step again from my wife yesterday. I have always wanted her to come to India with me but she has a degree of nervousness about th travelling and being away from her doctor.
I always had one of those goals that she would say she would come over without my prompting (actually havent brought it up for a couple of months). Well yesterday she came out and said that she would like to come to India next year (after my trip home) for a while and se how she likes it. So this is a big goal reached and a big positive.
In regards to the business our investors show up on Monday to sign the final documents and that is it 50% of the company sold. We didnt want to give up this much but oh well in the end you have to be realsitic. There looks like there will be a great bonus in there for me and my immediate money concerns will be behind me. So fingers crossed and it should all be over by the end of next week.
Hope all are well
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
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