I don't know what to tell you... sounds like cake-eating to me on his part. Obvious I know... but he can't expect you to put your life on hold while he does whatever the hell he wants.
Time to figure out what you want. I think you deserve to be treated with the same respect that is being demanded of you.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Thanks, DC. I've been working very hard on demanding and holding out for what I want and I what I'm going back in return.
So I'm still confuse as to how to handle H constantly drilling me about other guys. Any suggestions on what to tell him? Is it better to give the impression that I may be doing the same like him or be on higher moral standing? On one hand I see the benefit of having him think that some other guy is lining up to take his place but on the other hand I can see him saying but you're doing just like me, you're no different. Please advice anyone.
Then, I find that it's typical in our R that when thinks get heated, one of us always says or implies, I can find someone else. But he has found someone else and I have always been old faithful. Would it be better to do a 180 and not even go there with the discussion of other people.
I just wouldn't answer it. Tell him you won't dignify it with a response. I wouldn't let him try and turn it around on you so he can justify his own bad behavior.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Ok got it. Thanks guys. Boy do I love this site and having access to so much information. I know everyone's input is great, but has a female who has access to other female input, I just love getting input from you guys.
vicky I was reading through your posts, but must have missed something...where exactly do thing stand right now? Where is H living and where are his S and OW living? What kind of contact do you and H have?
Well, H is living at his parents since the end of June but wants to move back home... not so fast. His S and OW are living God knows where, but not with H. H and I have been in contact, somewhat dating and trying to reconnect our marriage. But there are still things that need to be cleared up... hence why we are still living apart.
Ok, time for an update. I think I need help. I am totally trying to get back a hold of myself. As some might have pridicted H was just trying to pull me back into him since he saw I was so committed to moving on. I just dont know anymore. So he was showing that he so want the marriage back and he will do whatever it takes to get it back, etc. And I opened up again and told myself that this is my H after all and this is what I've wanted for so long so I need to give it a shot right. But now that he feels like he has me right where he wanted me, he's going back to his old self. I just don't know if I wan tto be bothered anymore. This isn't even about OW. It's about him and his general disrespect. I think the man just doesn't have enough respect for me. Maybe this is all the fact that I'm a little upset at him but I am going back to nc. I need to distance myslef so I can get back to where I left off, I swear I have reverted to total pursuit mode and I can't stand it. I read from one of Karen's post that R have distancer/pursuiter roles, and I'm definitely the pursuer and H the distancer. But he can be so inconsiderate it's unbelieveable. So this is what happened this weekend...
Thurs: I went to visit MIL, H was home, we hanged out the night, I even stayed over there. Fri: I texted early in day, he called the evening Sat: nc Sun: I called H. I even asked if I'm going to see him today? [dummy]. H says he has no plans and he will come on by after doing some work at our property. I waited and H never showed up. I called him about 11pm, no answer. Mon: he called acted casual. I acted distant. Then we got into discussion. I told him that he doesn't know how to make me happy. He doesn't even want to. And the man who was professing that he wants t be happy with me says that I should go find my freiend to make me happy tehn. He was completely dismissive and acted like a "donkey". We did a few back and forth on the phone with more so me calling him to speak my mind without yelling though. He didn't really want to hear crap. Then he calls me in the afternoon, I ignored the calls and then answered after a few calls. he even went to discuss am I with my friend having fun. As my mother says, I should tell him he sounds totally trashy. Which is true, b/c he keeps making these comments now that I run after guys and like I'm one of these women who are all about men men, and that is so not me. All these years of dealing with his crap and I have never cheated on him although he would deserve that. But I'm feeling like its just another way of disrespecting me and I think I need to have him cut that out for real.
Anyway, today, nc with him. I don't want to talk to him. We were even suppose to see a movie today and I just don't want to. I'm going with my sister. Is this the actions of a man that's trying to come back home. I'm can't even imagine living with him under these conditions. If he's out and acting this way, imagine when he gets back in the home.
And in the almost 2 months that we've been trying to get back together, this is like the 3rd time he has stood me up without calling. Isn't that just rude? I'm thinking I should even make plans to be with him anymore. And I know that he purposely doesn't call to let me know. He is quite aware of what he's doing. It's like he does it to get me upset. Very cruel. I feel like I should just pull the plug. he is so immature. I think that if it were that I was now meeting H, I would never talk to someone like that. He's too unreliable and inconsiderate.
