So much has happened since i last posted i don't even know where to begin. My W has completely moved home. She changed her cell phone number and deleted her contacts since doing so. The things she says now, as far as how she thinks about our R and M is completely different from anything she's ever said in the past.
We decided to really work on trying again about 2 weeks ago. In those two weeks, we opened up completely about what we feel (a 180 for both of us as we were both very close lipped with eash other concerning feelings).
She had a slip up about a week and a half ago where she had said she was going to call me at a set time and didn't. she called an hour later, and i let her know that things didn't seem like they were changing and that isn't what i wanted again. she hasn't had a "slip up" since.
She is open with her phone (i double check online) and has committed to once a week marriage "training". reading or watching marriage guidance material and discussing what they mean to us. we are fine tuning some of the small things that seemed to cause us problems in the past like finances, and our views seemed to have flip flopped, as i want to separate our finances like she used to want, and now she wants to share all the finances.
Both of our opinions on things in general have changed and for the positive it seems. we finally seem to realize we're both on the same team and have come incredibly far in just a week of her moving home.
my absence from this site wasn't intended to cause confusion or speculation, but rather for me to fully devote myself to watching and listening to her to see what she really wants, instead of just the b.s. I took everything i learned here and stood my ground on things that i do not agree with. i've let her know that some things bother me and that i will not just stand by and let them go on (they haven't).
we both seem stupid happy right now. i am watching with a careful eye for any signs of disturbances, however, i am not going to be so guarded that i do not show her that i do care and love her, and she is doing the same. i do not want to be back on here in 2 weeks crying about it's worse now and things haven't changed, blah, blah, blah. i want to do everything right and know some of the hardest things are yet to come. however, like i've always said, i'll cross those bridges when they come.
thank you so much for everyone who has taken time to read my situation. thank you so much for those angels who have given their outlook and opinion on my Sitch. you helped me get my W back, just as my previous thread title stated. i went into this believing it was possible and it was. You all helped show me the way there by offering advice i needed at the point certain situations were occuring.
i will logon later and update more. thank you again everyone. i never could have done this without you.
Congratulations.. I am not the least bit surprised... Just another example of the "coincidence" that once you started your "social interaction" and letting go that the next thing we know is you are back together.....
I can remember so well the following babble from your wife...
Quote:
W: No we don't need to talk. if you need something then you can call me. But you've shown me you dont need me so no. why don't f^cking go out with your F^cking new b^tch cause that's the only time you forget your phone at a f^cking friends. you're a f^cking liar. You swore on F^cking cassie. i can't even imagine why you would lie to me about some sh^t like that. I f^cking loved you so god d^mned much and you f^cking stomped on my f^cking heart.
As I told you... When you showed her you let go and when you showed her that there may be someone else in the picture that could possibly pull you away from her... Is when the tide began to turn....
Congratulations. Good job.. Stay happy, stay confident and live in the moment.
I agree with you 100%! It was only when I told my WAW two weeks ago that I was finished with our relationship that she "woke up" to reality. Now she wants to work on our relationship and does not consider divorce an option. She states, "we have too much history to throw away by divorcing." Now that's a true 180!
Thanks, LFH
ME: 38 W: 35 D2.5 and S5 Married 12 years Separated (same house, different rooms) INILWYAM by W: 4/16/2009 The day W requested a D: 4/17/2009
Congratulations. I know. I keep telling people this, but as you well know, few listen.
Of course the ones who HAVE been listening and applying are getting results.
Nothing wakes a WS up faster than a BS with a backbone that quickly shows them they not only can live without them, but that they ARE living without them and are actually doing BETTER without them. Appeasement doesn't work.
Keep the success story's coming. Let go. Get tough. Socially interact and have the time of your life. Life is good. Life is too short to be pining for someone who doesn't show and act like they want to be with you. The quicker you let go, the quicker they come back.
Congratulations again. Stay happy. Stay confident. Women love happy men who are perfectly fine without them.
I just wanted to post a quick update. it's been almost exactly one month since my W has moved back home and I can say with all honesty that this is the happiest we've ever been.
We have worked together very hard and effectively at overcoming our former codependent R, and my W has very recently went to see the Dr about PMDD and was put on a prescription med. The dynamics of our new R are so different that it actually is taking some getting used to, but at the same time isn't really that difficult to adjust to.
My W has said very recently that this is the first time she's ever actually given 100% to anything, and from watching her actions from behind the scenes (phone records, internet use) she means business. Actually there has been a couple times where i've been a bit stressed with work and life and was a little short with her, and she reminded ME that we are on the same team!
lol, it's almost like she was abducted by aliens again and was replaced with superwife in the interim.
as for how we got to where we are now, i know there is a few pieces i've left out here for everyone and i apologize. when i said my situation is my own and that i felt like i knew how to best communicate with her, i still stand by that. HOWEVER, the advice that gucci, puppy, sandi and others gave me helped me get to the point where i could actually do it. It wouldn't have worked before that. they got me to the point where i could do it my way. the thing is i had to wait for the right time to do it and when i saw it, i seized it.
i firmly believe this is the case in many of the R's on this board, however, not everyone is well equipped to always see it opening. I think i did get to a place of detachment before she was ready to come home, and that detachment allowed me to see things clearly. It's when i let go, that everything kinda fell into place. Looking back over everything, i have to say i am still in shock that everything worked out the way it did and as quickly as it did.
The best advice i can give to others on here looking for hope or encouragement is to never give up. I don't know how many times my W texted me she didn't want anything to do with me ever again or that she was never coming home. Well she did. don't listen to what they are saying and pay attention to only half of what they are doing.
Actually, there's quite a bit i would like to say about things folks on here could do to get their WAS back. but i'll save that for another day. I really just hope people on here read my story and see that there is the possiblity of getting your spouse back. I think many people have more second chances then they realize, and let most of them slip through their fingers. Be patient and be alert. And even if you screw up, you usually get another chance to try again somewhere else.
Congratulations.. I am not the least bit surprised...