I underdstand where you come from in relation to the pot plants. Unfortunately my wife has the ability to supply the kiss of death to any plant in a pot. Every christmas we go through the ritual of going and buying a new Christmas tree and despite the valiant attempts by my wife to keep it alive we invariably go through the taking the dead christmas tree to the dump ritual by the end of January. Mind you two weeks ago she went and spent $500 on a blasted bonzai - well that will be an expensive trip to the dump.
Yep I will have to think of a new gift for her for this week. I am limited to the extent in that whatever I get has to be bought over the internet and delivered to her. Oh well will put some thought into this tomorrow.
My main goal at the moment is getting back to see her, I miss her and it is nice to hear her saying that she is missing me as well. I had initially planned to be back a couple of weeks ago but this has to wait until the money comes in. Mind you when it does i will only be able to get away from here for a few days. My plan is to be home for a few weeks over Christmas so I will really be looking forward to that.
Thanks for the thoughts and post
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
Thought I would post following an interesting call with my wife today. Well actually I called her first and there was a strain over some money I had arranged to borrow that hadnt come through yet. I have to keep rememebring that she is under a lot of pressure at home with the creditors at the moment but hopefully most of these will be cleared up by the end of next week as I have refinanced the houses for some additional money. I am so nervous about all of this because I have really past the point of financial no return.
Anyway the pleasent part over the first conversation was my wife called up and aplogised very sincerely that she has been cranky with me lately. This is big thing for her to do, she is not big on apologies in general and this one was very sincere. In the end I am actually amazed at how little strain there has been between us over this last couple of months with all of the pressures we are under.
I even offered today to give up on what I am doing here come back and get a job. She suprised me by saying she knew how important this was for me and I would be silly to throw it away at the moment as are so close. She also said that she is here to support me through it. This is all getting back so much to my 'old' wife.
Anyway there was one worrying thing to me through our conversation. I cant rememebr the context it came up in but she again brought up she wants a legal paper so that she has her financial independance. This hasnt been brought up for a while so I thought it was behind us, but it is still there. I can understand she wants this so that she isnt living off me and she wants to be able to say that she has a level of independancer as she is now 40 (Im sure there is a more deep seated emotion behind this and I will look at talking to a C when I am back to get some insight there).
If I was to be cynical I could say this whole thing about a 'legal' document is her trying to get what she didnt or couldnt get through the legal battels we went through. I hionestly dont think it is this though. Once upon a time I would have started a talk into this over the phone but I have learnt the phine is definiaely not a medium for this type of conversation, so I will just let it lie until I get back to see her and see what happens. I really understand her need for independance in her mind (there are some deep seated reasons through her childhood and as a result of her illness) but I still am very wary of lawyers and legal documents and wont be signing anything she puts forward without full consideration and advice.
I will investigate siging anything however with a rider that if she again becomes a walk away the agreement is null and void.
Anyway this whole financial independance thing and talks of a legal document got to me today. In retrospect I am pretty sure it has anything to do with her thinking about leaving again but it is from a desire to not be self reliant on anyone that has resulted from her past. However I must admit I am still raw regarding the legal hell i went through in the last six months of our seperation.
As always any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
I'd like to hear what comes of this legal matter. If I were you I'd be concerned but try not to let it bother you. Feel out the sitch and see what you think after a couple of days. Don't make a decision when your emotions are not good, you know that!
Take care, hope all is well. I can so relate to that point of no return in your business, been there done that. Besides, it's only money, right?
Hang in there!
Berto
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
Off in my own world over here and havent posted for a while. Berto, the whole legal stuff is on the back burner at the moment. I think it is just my W getting a bit tense about the at home problems and she just throws it out. Havent heard anything more about it since then. I have learnt just to let this things just happen and not react to them and in most cases they are gone and forgoton the next day.
Puting myself in my wife's shoes I can understand where she is coming from. She has it so hard in that I am this far away from her and she has to struggle against having debt collectors showing up at home to get money off her. We had a talk about it this week (funny how you can now have an R talk and it is no longer taboo and is a part of improving communicatiions - LOL) and I asked her why she didnt seem to miss me. Well the answer was probabbly one of the best indications we are back on track. She said she misses me awefully and wants me home with her, but she realises what I am doing is for the both of us and that if she was to complain to me then she would know that it would only upset me and she wanted to show she supported me and not to get me worried. Well all i can say is what a change from this time a year ago. My wife was always my strength and to an extent I can see that I am getting that strength back. Also I am starting to trust her again.
Ahh the business - drivig me nuts. I have given it another 2 weeks and then I have to look at moving on. Have all the investors in town on Monday and they say that it will all come through straight after that. Its funny at the end of this year I will either be amulit millionare or bankrupt but you know it doesnt bother me as long as I am happy, oh well shows how much you grow I guess doesnt it.
BTW we had another R talk today that resulted fron the current fincial pressures. I had brought up that if this doesnt come through then we have to look at sellling our properties to avoid bankruptcy. She said that she would be happy even if we were living in a shack as long as she was happy.
She is searching for her own independance at the moment - more financial then anything as at the moment she is realsiing how much she relies on me to provide her basic needs (let alone her more exquistie requirements: bloody $600 bonzai plants). I just let her know that this is all stuff that we need to work through together.
A funny thing that I would love some female perspective on s that whenever she does get a bit stressed one of her favorite things is to let me know that she is an attractive woman (I know this) and able to look after herself. This is not done in a threatening way at all its just a comment she throws out there. She does put a value on herself by her looks as times but this is due I think to some of the issues she went through in her younger days when she was hospitalised for manic behavoiur (BTW her mother won Miss Australia and went on to Miss Universe as Autralaia rep). I dnt undertahd her hang up about her looks but this i think was a major contribution to our problems (hitting 40 ,etc). When all is said an done she does have some major insecurities but they are a part of her so I accept them.
BTW I dont mean to make my W sound shallow, she isnt. Maybe it just represents a factor of her getting old and havng insecurities of my feelings towards her.
Anyway another rambling post.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
I just want to give one of thoe 'only in India stories'.
Today I spebt 4 hours in a police station. My landlord decided that he wanted to mive back into the apartment that i am renting. So he just showd up, changed the locks and wouldnt let me back in. This was with all my stuff in the apartment including my passport and various travel and residency documents . This guy was really rude and arrogant when it happened and for some reason was not going to give anything of mine back.
Well this guy had not factored on a few things:
1. What he did is considered breaking and entering here 2. 'Stealing' a passport is a serious offence. 3. It is unwise to screw with a foriegn national 4. My partner is very good friends with the head cop in the state that I live in.
So th end result of all of this is that my landlord is now in jail and will stay there until i withdraw my compaint. BTW I have been told to not to do this for a week so he 'learns' his lesson. Oh and I am back in my apartment. The other thing is that the everyone ele on this apartment complex is now scared of me because aprantly I can weild police power - LOL. It was very interesting, three police cars, two bikes and a whole collection of police confronted this guy and he got dragged away in cuffs. I didnt want any of this to happen, I really just wanted somewhere to sleep tonight - LOL. Oh and the guy on the other side of the corridor (who was apparantly watching for when i left this morning to let the lndlord know) is offering me gifts as apparantly he is afraid he will go to jail next. Oh at times you just have to love this place.
Anyway nothing to so wth dbing, but for me a very interesting night.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
I got a good laugh out of that story. You are extremely well connected? I've been following your sitch although I haven't commented. Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and hoping that it all works out for you.
Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
Hey I looked for your thread and couldnt find it, do you have one??
Not sure about well connected, but my partner here is so I guess I am a little bit by association LOL. I look back and it is funny. The guy has been left out of jail as I withdrwe my compaint (despite the police saying to let him stew for a few more days).
The Police made him sign a letter allowing me to stay for as long as I want in his apartment (with no rent - LOL). So he is now out and very very nice to me because after that letter I could live here for as long as I want. Saying that I cant wait to get out of this place and will look at moving before Christmas.
Anyway I willhave to write a book about my adventures here one day, certainly has been unteresting and fun (well apart from what happened between myself and wife). Cant wait to get back to Aus for a few weeks aver Christmas though.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
Some interesting things over the last couple of days.
I got a call from my wife on Sunday saying she thinks she might be pregnant. First thing she did was confirm, without me asking, that it had to be me (LOL). My W being pregnant is a big thing due to the medication she is on and the possible consequances and for her and the child as a result.
Anyway she had a test yesterday and it turns out negative, but she calls me up and says that when it was negative her main feeling was real dissapointment and that she realsied that she would really like to have a child together. I wuld love a child but had given up and accepted it due to her medication.
Anyway as said this will not be easy if we proceed, she has asked that I leave her alone with this for a couple of weeks to think about it, and in true db fashion I listened, supported and validated (must be getting better here). Anyway I know she will put a lot of thought into this, so my trip home at Christmas could be very very interesting.
On the business front here we have been meeting with investors for the last two days and should have it all down in two days. Looking very close but I wont get too excited until I see that money come in.
Oh and I had an article written about me in a major national paper here (good ol PMA boost that one).
Anyway the champagne is there, still hasnt been opened but I might start looking for some glasses this week.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
Wow Andrew, what a topsy turvy adventurer you have been on!! It really shows from reading your posts how far you have come. With your wife pushing the financial independence, spending $600 on a bonsai??, pregnancy scare etc..!!you are very remarkable in keeping it altogether but you know i get where you are.See i guess something we learn from all this is that some things are really not worth getting stressed over. We see the important things and focus on that rather than the petty stuff. Even the pregnancy would have been a HUGE step but probably a blessing that it didn't happen now while on the mend with the m. Yet that has opened another door. Who knows?
I guess most women like to know they are still looking good especially as they get older. I don't think men realise how important it is to some of us that we need some feed back that our men still think we are looking good. It really is a communication thing i guess. Some women need it more than others. I think your w would be one of them. Doesn't mean she is shallow at all, just the circumstances she has been brought up in. I imagine her mum would have worried about looks being miss OZ. Just give those compliments she needs/wants. she will love you more for it!
Anyway good to catch up on your sitch, I hope no more landlords come across you!! It was amusing to read about and i would look forward to the book. Not sure i would be in any hurry to live in India. Take it easy, michelle
