Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[iwantittowork]

Couple guys from work last night wanted to go out, so I hung out with them after work for a couple of beers, had a good time, but that means I don't see d8 or W at all yesterday.

I want to post some thoughts that came up, kind of a rant on myself, and wonder if everyone else has these thoughts as well.

One of the guys we were with is single, and there was an attractive blonde sitting near us, he didn't hesitate after a while, and approached her. They hung for a bit, and looked to have a good time, and he got her contact info for further date.

The reason I bring this up was, at first I thought, man, I am going to have to have the courage that he did in the future if we D to start approaching women as well, which caused some feelings of fear to come up just thinking about that. But then an unexpected train of thought started that kind of kept with me for the rest of the night.

I first saw my current W when I was about 20 years old. She was married to someone I know, and why I saw her. I was at there house, and to this day I remember the moment like it was yesterday. She came out of the sliding door on their deck and I was blown away. Obviously she was married so I couldn't approach her, or anything.

However, fate brought us together again, when I took a job as a single guy at a night club on weekends, the exact same club that she went to, to dance on weekends after D with her old husband. One thing lead to and I was able to get together with the girl of my dreams.

I realized last night, that there's just something about her that I have never experienced with any other women. I look around, and in my 40 years, no one has ever hit me with those sudden feelings, as when I first made eye contact with her. And I mean no one! How can that possibly be? And how can it be that I screwed it up so badly over our relationship?

Certainly my W is no 10 on the looks scale, and there's more physically attractive women out there, but even when I see them, they just don't 'do it' for me the way she does.

How the heck do I reconcile that if we D? How the heck does this one person only 'do it' for me? If there is some greater power, what the heck is this trying to do for my life, in a positive way?

I am not writing this in a depressed state or anything, I just realized I can't even pinpoint the exact emotions I have when I think about my W, or that first 'shock' value emotion when I first met her, or whatever it is that makes me want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Are there any answers at all to these stupid questions that run through my head? Are there any hopes at all for ever finding another women that 'does' it for me again?

I have to imagine I am not the only one that has hit on this, or thought about it, or gone through it. What are your thoughts on this?