The rule about leaving family out of it is a good one....but I think there are exceptions and your case is one of them. You can't stop your wife from contacting your family and you can't control your family and their responses. Let them deal with each other and make it clear to your wife, remind her, that she started it and she has to deal with it now.
This may be hard to do....but you are going to have to really look at yourself as a spouse. It was one of the most eye opening, difficult, heartbreaking things for me. To realize you aren't the perfect spouse as your spouse is out being a jerk is hard to swallow. But it could help save your marriage. Could she be exaggerating things? Sure. But what if she's not? What if she's telling the truth and she really really feels this way and it's just come to a head?
My H left because the kindness, affection and loving was no longer there for him. I know I stopped being physically affectionate....but I thought I stopped when I gained so much baby weight. He said "No, it stopped long long before that." I was about to argue, and he was ready. He gave me specific examples....which means these are things in his memory because they hurt him. And what really sucked....I did remember them too and now I see them through his eyes. They didn't register with me because I knew at that time and now, I loved him. I wasn't being that way because I didn't or because I wanted my marriage to fail.....I can't tell you why I was like that....I can't tell you why I became colder and less affectionate. I just did and I realize that now with a very heavy regretful heart. But now that I know and I have acknowledged it, we've been better.
There were some things he talked about that I truly disagree with him and I think he's made me the bigger bad guy in some instances.....but I've decided there's no arguing about that. If he sees it that way, then that's his reality and I have to deal and work on it. IF I want to. And I do.
He's never said anything outlandish, like I punched him one night while I was sleeping. And the things he needs I am very willing to provide. His list really isn't hard and I just regret that this happened. I wonder "Could all of this been avoided if I had just listened better back then?" And the sad truth is probably.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm pissed about how he's handled things.....another part of me, knowing me, wonders if this was the only way to get through to me.....??? I am by nature very hard headed. For the longest time I wanted to be right. Now I just want to be happy.
It's funny....years ago you weren't controlling, you were in charge and that's sexy. Over the years, somehow it turns into controlling.
But what I'm saying is this: listen to her and really hear her.
