Thank you for checking in on me while I was gone. When I got home and fired up the computer, it made me feel good that you were out there wondering how I was doing.
If you've been following my thread, you know that H has been on vacation for a week. I did not know where he went or who he was with. I decided I didn't want to be here when he came home, so I went to visit my mom in the next town. * Wifey, I did NOT go grocery shopping before I left. I also thought he was capable to go himself when he got home. I'm really glad I made that choice too!
I was driving along listening to one of my christian stations feeling pretty good. During the week when H was gone, I thoroughly turned the house upside down, and it looked great! I was having a good feeling about how nice it would be foe H to walk into. All in all, I had a Peaceful week. I was about ten miles from my destination, when I saw this group of motorcycles, coming in the opposite direction. My H who also left on his Harley, wasn't due back until the next day. So, I wasn't thinking much about him, when I glanced over at them as they passed by. There in the front of the pack, was H with the skank on the back! Following behind, were the other couples that WE used to go places with. Needless to say I was devastated. There on the back of our Harley was the skank sitting where I used to be. It was my worst nightmare come to life. Actually seeing them together. The betrayal is awful! It's bad enough getting it from H, but from the other couples who I thought were friends of mine! To just accept ow so easily. I have to say, it was one of the worst moments in my entire life. I honestly don't know how I made it the rest of the way to my moms.
By the time I arrived at my moms, I was crying frantically and she couldn't make out what I was saying. She thought maybe I hit someone and got in an accident. Once I calmed down, and after talking to my mom for a little while, I decided to call my christian friend who has been beside me every step of the way. She told me to pull myself back together, and asked me if I brought my Bible with me. I did. She told me to read Psalm 37 and Psalm 23. I told her I didn't even know how I was going to sleep that night. She said I was going to sleep real Peaceful,if I read them right before going to sleep. And you know, I made it OK. It is so hard getting that picture of them out of my head. I was so hoping he was off without ow. So the whole week while I was gaining strength in the Lord, he was off playing in his sin. (sigh)
On my way home, I had a hard time driving by the place where I saw them. I wondered how I was going to react when I saw him. I am heartbroken, but at the same time I want to beat some sense into him. He is having a ball in Lala land, and the skank is in the mine digging for gold. And I'm here with a broken heart wondering what the he!! happened to my H. When will the spaceship land, bring back my DH and return this lunatic alien.
My mom told me she feels the old H is in there somewhere. She also said she has a feeling that H wants me to fight for him. All this time, I have been treating him with unconditional love. Maybe he is seeing this as me not caring in the least if he has ow. I am at a loss. I still love him, but do I really even want this M restored after what has gone on.
So, that's how my week to myself ended. H was at work when I got home. I went grocery shopping, and when I got back he was home. When I walked in the door, he jumped up and asked me if he could help me bring in the groceries. I said sure. Why can't he just wake up.
* Any advice on how I should be acting towards him now? It's so hard getting that picture out of my head. My H, our Harley, skank on back.
