What the hell do I have here?

[forward]

Perhaps you need to be friends with her before you even consider jumping into this one.

YOu have changed and so has she. Perhaps you need to get to know her again. I know that I am not sure if I like my H any more.

Thanks for posting your story. It's interesting.

[thrillisgone]

Forward - That is an interesting concept. Friendship that is. Maybe it is my ego that got so busted up that "friendship" seems like one hell of a demotion. Maybe I'm just trying to protect myself.

I mean it just seems real difficult having been intimate with someone for 30 yrs, having them cheat on you, lie to you, blame you for everything,come pretty close to ruining you financially AND now they are sleeping in another man's bed....and we're supposed to be friends?

I have no frame of reference for this.My Ex is remarried. How can you possibly reconcile with a married woman? It feels like I'm promoting cheating or something. Maybe I'm being neurotic

[peacetoday]

Thrill
Maybe it is a sort of friendship
Not a real one yet
Just a step toward seeing what she really wants to do
and what you really want to do
maybe this is a part of the journey too for some
to see if Reconciliation is possible
For me, I wouldnt worry about the Marriage thing to OM
I do not view their M as a real one like ours was
It was a marriage based on crises, lies, secrecy, illness
I have NO respect for OW or OM-they deserve none

if my XH wanted to Reconcile and I KNEW without a doubt he was truely serious.. His A and M to OW would NOT stop me as long as he left her
peace

[forward]

TIG:
Well, I guess the thing is this. She's been gone a while. You've changed/she changed.

DB C has told me you have to be friends again before you can open up romance. She said Friends, then romance, and only then do you get to bring up your hurt.

She has opened up to you. She knows she made a mistake. It is possible that she might do something about it.

Yes, you can be friends with her. I think you could consider granting temporary insanity. Maybe stick with friends on your part, and see what she does.

[thrillisgone]

Spoke with my Ex today for 2 1/2 hours. Talk about wierd. We both commented that it was like we had never split up. It was so easy, so comfortable, so natural. We both love eachother and have an unbreakable bond. She concedes that she went "nuts". I conceded that their were things about me and my communication style I need to work on. The elephant in the room of course is that she is married and lives 1500 miles away.
I can forgive the affair and her behavior (she really went crazy). The question is how to progress forward. I guess for now, it is a "friendship" of sorts. We were always best friends. We enjoy talking to eachother so much it is hard for either of us to end the conversation. The contrast between now and 18 months ago is staggering. We both commented " What happened to us?" This is too freakin' wierd. MLC is some bad stuff. Pray for us. We might even make it. I never thought we would be here.

[forward]

TIG,
Just keep talking. As far as flying to see her, let her come to see you?

As far as the elephant in the room, well, she put it there and she can make it go away. Leave that up to her.

[thrillisgone]

Forward - You are right on all counts. I have a tendency to want to force the action and it isn't my place to do so. She is the one who left and rolled a hand grenade into the room on the way out. The ball is her court.

[forward]

TIG, The fact that she has opened up to you is great.

[steve_73]

TIG,
Just keep talking. As far as flying to see her, let her come to see you?

As far as the elephant in the room, well, she put it there and she can make it go away. Leave that up to her.

Thats the way I see it - its her fault. Can you trust her again ?

[Kimmie Lee]

Trust. It never comes back. Not really.