Thought I would post following an interesting call with my wife today. Well actually I called her first and there was a strain over some money I had arranged to borrow that hadnt come through yet. I have to keep rememebring that she is under a lot of pressure at home with the creditors at the moment but hopefully most of these will be cleared up by the end of next week as I have refinanced the houses for some additional money. I am so nervous about all of this because I have really past the point of financial no return.
Anyway the pleasent part over the first conversation was my wife called up and aplogised very sincerely that she has been cranky with me lately. This is big thing for her to do, she is not big on apologies in general and this one was very sincere. In the end I am actually amazed at how little strain there has been between us over this last couple of months with all of the pressures we are under.
I even offered today to give up on what I am doing here come back and get a job. She suprised me by saying she knew how important this was for me and I would be silly to throw it away at the moment as are so close. She also said that she is here to support me through it. This is all getting back so much to my 'old' wife.
Anyway there was one worrying thing to me through our conversation. I cant rememebr the context it came up in but she again brought up she wants a legal paper so that she has her financial independance. This hasnt been brought up for a while so I thought it was behind us, but it is still there. I can understand she wants this so that she isnt living off me and she wants to be able to say that she has a level of independancer as she is now 40 (Im sure there is a more deep seated emotion behind this and I will look at talking to a C when I am back to get some insight there).
If I was to be cynical I could say this whole thing about a 'legal' document is her trying to get what she didnt or couldnt get through the legal battels we went through. I hionestly dont think it is this though. Once upon a time I would have started a talk into this over the phone but I have learnt the phine is definiaely not a medium for this type of conversation, so I will just let it lie until I get back to see her and see what happens. I really understand her need for independance in her mind (there are some deep seated reasons through her childhood and as a result of her illness) but I still am very wary of lawyers and legal documents and wont be signing anything she puts forward without full consideration and advice.
I will investigate siging anything however with a rider that if she again becomes a walk away the agreement is null and void.
Anyway this whole financial independance thing and talks of a legal document got to me today. In retrospect I am pretty sure it has anything to do with her thinking about leaving again but it is from a desire to not be self reliant on anyone that has resulted from her past. However I must admit I am still raw regarding the legal hell i went through in the last six months of our seperation.
As always any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
