Can it get any worse?

[glamgirl]

BH I don't expect you to understand or anyone for that matter. You only read what is written, not what I feel or see.

The past 30 days I have made changes and I am firm and friendly. Doesn't mean I am standing and waiting any longer for my h to make a move. What it means is that I have moved on with my life and treat h as a friend. I have no reason to treat him any differently or any less than a friend. Yes he has made mistakes, but no reason to be bitter. Dissappointed and sad yes, but life is too short to hold that against him. He is a flawed human.

I don't expect him to do things. I do expect him to watch the kids a few days a week while I work, so if that is expecting something then yes I do expect things. I should expect that of him. He is the other parent. Yes I get dissappointed when he text and he can't make it, but doesn't mean I am standing around waiting for him to move home. It means I was dissappointed by a friend, nothing more nothing less.

I get the fact my h is not returning and doesn't want to. Doesn't mean I am expecting him to move home or waiting around for him. Yes in the past I was, but we were going to mc, my h was making progress, we were moving in the right direction.

Everything has changed BH. Doesn't mean I am standing around waiting for my h, means that I do have a life, I am moving forward.

Part of moving forward is finding closure. Finding closure for me is answers. If the expecation is no contact or close to that, that is NOT my style. I am moving forward in my own pace and for me no one else.

My h will always be my friend. He was afterall my life long partner. Doesn't mean I can rely on him like I did during our m, but he is still a friend and a friend in crisis.

I am proud of standing by my h the way I did. I am not a heartless person and I am not afraid of others thinking he is walking all over me and cake eating. I gave unconditional love and if my h took advantage of that it's ok. God will bless me 10 fold. I have faith and wouldn't change how I treated my h in any way shape or form. It will not go unnoticed by God.

What good is love if you don't share it. One day my h will see the light, he just can't see it now.

My new motto:

Acceptance is what I will need to put closure to all of this mess. Understanding is something I will probably never get.