These are just rambling thoughts, really. I'm tired today, and my neck has been bothering me a lot recently. I'm alone way too much even though I see friends and go out; it's being home alone afterwards that is hard for me right now.
I'm also sad because there was a bad car wreck the other night that involved 3 former students, all really good kids. One is dead, one is in the hospital and recovering, and the third is in jail. Speed and alcohol and teenage boys about to start a new chapter in their lives...a bad combo.
So don't take any of this too seriously. I'm in a down mood is all, and I need to get it out.
Nothing really happening here regarding H. I have seen very little of him over the past couple of months--since I got back from MD, really only a handful of times. I am now trying "nice" text every 3 days or so--something little like "Hope you had a great weekend! Be well." My goal is to let him know that I am alive a doing very well and to create some mystery and make him wonder why I'm texting instead of calling. He knows I've been out with friends, etc., but he shows little interest in what I'm doing. I think he's cycling through the MLC stages again and is back in the "I can do whatever I like because there are no consequences in the universe that I would care about" stage.
I am seriously thinking of throwing in the towel right now. I deserve so much more than this. I really love him, but I need to stop letting him be an energy vampire and get more detached again.
I'm OK, and I know I'll be OK no matter what. I will be more than OK, actually. I guess I just don't know for absolutely sure that I'm done so I hold off.
I also wonder if/when he comes out of MLC, will he decide to start in a fresh M with me or will he just want to be completely done with "us." No guarantees that sanity will bring him home, you know?
