Someone please explain...

[lost-n-Iowa]

Spybunny...Just wanted to stop by your thread and catch up on your stich. You have been to mine several times and have talked to me so I wanted to talk to you too. I am very concerned for you, your kids, and your well being!!

Your stich is far mare alarming than I got from your posts on my thread. I would have to say that you are in a much worse situation than I am. (I am not trying to down play my thread but my H has NOT gone this far with me.)

I feel most of the same emotions that you have been dealing with too (as you already know) but your H has gone over the line in the sand by miles.

You should never have to compromise who you are for the sake of someone else's happiness.

My H asked me about 3somes, I said NO and stuck to my guns. My H asked me about doing sexual things that I was uncomfortable with, I said NO and stuck to my guns. When my H wanted to come back, I set bounderies about the profiles on the internet, the sex texting, and the porn surfing. He said he stopped, I CHECKED for MYSELF. I made him call the OW in front of me, put her on the speaker phone, and tell her she could no longer contact him, he would have nothing to do with her, and that they would no longer be friends, that he was working on his M and she was not a part of it. I have stuck to my bounderies. As far as all my checking up on my H, I have found out that he has done some surfing. I again stated my bounderies and he has stopped.

I put my foot down on his activities and told him that under no circumstances would I accept it. If he could not accept what bounderies I was setting forth, then I was out of the M. My H has at least stopped, seen the errors of his ways (to a point), has set up and gone to MC (and is open in them, I think), and has shown effort in making the M work.

WHERE HAS YOUR H DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS??? NOWHERE!!!!

He is emotionally abusing you, sexually abusing you, mentally abusing you. I am so very proud of you that you have decided to get your own place. This will serve him notice that you have set your bounderies and are sticking to it.

One thought about telling your H 2 weeks before you move. My answer heck no. He has already stated that you deserve nothing. Think about him changing locks while you are out, think about him destroying stuff, selling, hiding stuff. If there is no legal papers that states he can't do those things, then he is within his rights to do it. Tell him the day before you move, is my opinion. If I am wrong, please others tell me too.

Bank accounts? Go to a different bank than the one you and your H bank at. They don't share info.

Credit cards? Go to a different company than the one you may hve now.

Legal advice? Hire a good lawyer now.

Feeling embarrassed about your past activities? There are lots of people in this world that do things that they later regret. You tried something that you thought would help your M, it did not. Do not feel embarrass by what you have done, lots of people having a kinky side, but most don't admit to it because they dont' want others to see them as abnormal. I am proud of you for admitting what you have on here to all of us. That took alot for you to do that. I do not think any less of you. (My sister does all kinds of crazy things, and I have a couple of friends that enjoy activities outside their M.)

Sorry this post is so long but I had to start at the beginning and go from there. I feel your pain, anxiety, numbness, tiredness, hurt, resentment, sometimes anger, and most of all, the fact that you don't want to hurt another human being. That is what makes you so much better than your H. He doesn't care about hurting you. I will pray for you and keep up on your post.