Not sure if this is MLC but...

[dmkdmkdmk]

I might need to edit this down a bit to get to the point. I'm a wordy girl...

Hey H.

Here's the thing about the bills and the money. I'm sincerely not trying to be a b!tch when I ask you about it. I'm not using it as a tool to manipulate or be spiteful towards you. I don't want you to be broke at the end of the month. When you chose to move out, the assumption was that you would be able to financially support yourself in addition to continuing to contribute to your half of our shared bills.

I understand that during the first few months of this separation, the money situation is going to be difficult. I'm not asking that you pay me the entire $1K+ that you owe me for your half of bills right away. I am, however, going to need more than a couple hundred here, a couple hundred there.

I understand that you have bills of your own. I also have bills of my own. I have car insurance, student loans, credit cards that I don't need you to pay towards. I haven't asked you for money for groceries for DD. I haven't asked you for money for any of the stuff that I need for the new baby. But I pay for my own bills and support my family and prepare for the new baby in addition to paying all of our shared bills in full, and having faith (and I still do, I know you need some time to adjust your finances) that you will honor your financial commitment to your children and to the home that we built together - I feel that making sure the mortgage is paid and the lights and utilities stay on is more important than the cell phones, the credit cards, and the rent on your separate home. DD is priority #1.

I guess one of my main points - please don't throw in my face the money that I spend on myself (e.g. the Coach bag). Yes, I have more money to spend than you do because I didn't leave my family and get an apartment and all of the expenses that come with it. I also am blessed with a kick-a$$ family from my parents who fed me the whole time you were at AT so that I didn't have to worry about making or buying dinner and chasing after a toddler alone every night (That is $150 at least) to your brother and his GF who came over and helped clean out DD's new room and brought over that toddler bed for her. I also saved a little money during the time that I've worked at <company> and that gives me a buffer, but I can't live forever on that if I'm paying the mortgage by myself. The mortgage payment is more than one of my paychecks. I don't feel that I'm out of line by treating myself once in a while - I know that you don't really care for me that much any more, but I am still nine months pregnant and on my best day I am extremely uncomfortable - on my worst days I'm in excruciating pain and can barely walk. I've made it through this pregnancy and managed to stay healthy knowing that you didn't care and were going well out of your way to show me. I deserve more than a low-end Coach purse, but I can't financially justify the Burberry right now.

You are getting exactly what you want - you don't have to answer to anybody about how you spend your time or money. You can come and go as you please. When you're tired, you can go home and sleep without having to worry about taking care of anybody. You can drop DD off and do whatever you want with your evenings. You can take her out and do fun things all day, and know that you don't have to clean up the messes you leave behind at the house, or give her a bath if she gets dirty, or fight to get her into bed, or deal with her when she's hysterical because Daddy's leaving, or wake up with her in the middle of the night when she's sick. You don't have to wake up early and take her to grandma's, or make sure she has clean clothes or diapers or milk. You don't even have to worry about the well-being of your pregnant wife. You have decided that maybe the family lifestyle isn't for you and you want another shot at being a responsibility-free single guy again, but I don't have the same option (I'm not complaining - I don't think I'd trade a single poopy diaper, a snot-covered shirt, or tears that I have to make go away for a day where I didn't get a hug or kisses or "I love you mom" from our beautiful daughter). As I promised, I haven't checked up on your bank account or anything else since the day that you told me you didn't feel the same about being married anymore. The only thing that I've asked is that you uphold your part of the financial commitment to the home and family that you helped create, regardless of whether or not you want to be part of it.

I do sincerely hope that this is a temporary situation, and that we're able to work through it - but right now we are not on the same team. I'm working for the family - DD, the baby, and me - but not to subsidize your new life and your choices that have removed you from the family. If you have any issues with any of the individual bills that I have on the spreadsheet, let me know, but I think it's fair (and might be more favorable to you than the required support that would come with legal separation and divorce).

Thanks for reading, I hope you understand me better and don't think I'm just being a PITA when I'm asking you for a check. Other than counseling, it's the only thing I've asked from you.