back after 10 weeks of recovery and need some help

[The Wifey]

62906,

Except in front of your children, why do you feel it is necessary to function as a make believe couple? And, in front of your children you need only be polite. If they notice or question anything, it will need to be addressed.

GAL is important and I'm glad it has been successful for you.

I believe my road to recovery of our M is close to the end. It now has a half life of 8 months. I just don't know how to put up with all the crap and put my life on hold so W can move on with hers.

W has some serious issues and is not seeing anyone to help work through them. Where W ended up the last time she tried to work through them was not prettty.

I advise you to focus on the WA posts and the thinking of Walking posts. They have helped me more than any other.

You haven't gotten beyond your hurt to actually identify where your wife is, how she has felt, what is really driving her, to understand her hurt and her doubts.

Yes you should work on you. Be the best you that you can. But also realize this isn't just a waiting game waiting for her to "come to her senses." It doesn't work that way.

You shouldn't completely put your life on hold. In fact, GAL is not putting your life on hold. It is supposed to help you get to the point that you will be ok if your W d's you or stays. If she wants to stay and work on the M, great, but if not you will be ok.

Feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are. You can't change someone's feelings over night. You didn't get here in a short period of time and it will take a long period to get beyond it.

Putting a time table of 8 months on your recovery is somewhat foolish and reeks of expectations. You have the right to declare yourself done at any point. But can you look in the mirror right now and say you've done everything possible? Will you be able to at 8 months?

You don't know how to put up with the crap. Don't take crap. Be respectful and expect the same in return. It is not necessary to take abusive, disrespectful treatment. Nor is it right to bristle at the least little thing.

Your W does have issues. Some of them are with you, but not all. Validate and work on changing the things she has issues with. Let her deal with the rest of the garbage. You work on you.

BTW, much of what your w said is script. I haven't yet found the author of this stupid script to run over, but someone is handing it out in prolific numbers. Believe nothing of what she says and only half of what she does.

Get outside of your own hurts. Yeah it hurts. But there are reasons/actions/feelings that drove your w to this point. If it only looks to you like your w's issues then the road will be longer than you can handle the crap - guaranteed.