Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[SDFoundGirl]

There is one other step which could be taken (in my mind), which is H moving out of the master bedroom. However, I feel that may just be postponing the inevitable. I have toyed with the notion of H moving to the spare room and then if he meets OW in Sept, he's out. On the other hand, why allow the affair to progress to that stage? Of course, H could move out and think "since we are separated, I can go ahead and be with OW and it's not cheating because we aren't together." This is where the confusion for me begins.

For what it's worth, while my H was in the midst of his EA, he lived in another bedroom in our home. I actually think it was good; it kept him from proceeding further, and it allowed me to show off everything I'd learned from DB. We didn't talk very much, and I made a point of going into my bedroom when he came up to watch TV to give him his "space." (My choice.)

It's not easy. I Acted As If like a pro...kind of like we were cordial roommates. I was busy and out of the house--a lot. When I was home, I was engaged in something else--reading, writing, computer, art, etc. I had conversations with girlfriends and LAUGHED my head off at what they had to say, and I was always, always a happy little camper.

That's not to say I always felt that way; but I never, never let him see how upset I was. I waited until he left for work to cry, and then I put a time limit on it.

I also invested in nice jammies (and I looked SMOKING HOT in them) and did a few things to my bedroom to make it my oasis. I'd come out to the kitchen to get a glass of wine or something, in my super nice slip-jammies, and grin on the inside because H's eyes were almost out of his sockets. Part of that was to give him a show of what he was thinking of giving up, and part of it was my thought that I deserved nice jammies, dang it!

I like the idea of a two-step approach. Just know that it's not all that easy.

Also--we were in MC and each in IC at the time. MC was mostly an enumeration of how horrible I was for a looong time, but we had a great MC, and she helped us navigate those conversations so he could see how he'd created a monster in his head and didn't really know the truth about anything.

I'd suggest getting into a good MC no matter what you do. Make it a condition.

SD