Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[Faith2010]

Setting boundaries, giving ultimatums, there's timing involved in all of this. And you have to be ready for the worst case scenario.

What will be the outcome if he doesn't agree or goes beyond the boundary?

What I need to decide is the boundary/ultimatum to put in place and what occurs if it is not met. The outcome/ultimatum that I foresee is him moving out. On some level, I feel allowing him to remain in our home while continuing to have an affair is almost accepting the affair on my part. I understand I can put boundaries in place, which I have, and for the most part they have been met. I feel this is the next step.

There is one other step which could be taken (in my mind), which is H moving out of the master bedroom. However, I feel that may just be postponing the inevitable. I have toyed with the notion of H moving to the spare room and then if he meets OW in Sept, he's out. On the other hand, why allow the affair to progress to that stage? Of course, H could move out and think "since we are separated, I can go ahead and be with OW and it's not cheating because we aren't together." This is where the confusion for me begins.

I am not in a rush to do anything but I'd like to figure out my next move since I have decided something needs change. I don't want to make the 'wrong' move.

I would like to know what you all think.