Puppy, She is definitely acting like it now. I have never been one in the past to not take a phone call. I think that one was definitely eating at her. And at one point I even got a "what else would you me like to do for you your royal heiness". Unfortunately anything I would like these days, and anything you would actually do, are two complete opposites.
Detach and let her have her tantrum. This is a pullback just like my H had after we got a little close and had some good time together. Even though I expected a pullback, I didn't expect an anger blow. Not like I'm an expert here, but having just gone through one, that's what it looks like.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Dia, I am fully aware of not knowing what to expect from W. This is going to turn into a bunch of journaling for me to release some of this off my chest.
I simply placed what was a boundary for me. I will not assist you in anything that will have any attachment to OM, so do not ask me again. After it became apparent what I had helped her with, I then placed that boundary, and she blew up on me. Gave me all of the typical script, it is not about him, this involved many of my friends, not just him, this is why I am leaving you....etc...etc.... Then when I refused to take phone call, or answer texts, she then turned it into this is why I am leaving you, you can't communicate. Whatever, I let her have her tantrum for about an hour and a half, then my one text back was after I had been deleted from M on FB. I simply said "you have said more than enough". I guess she took that as an opening to call again, I answered at that point, gave my side of the sitch, and got off the phone. I have since then gotten multiple appologies, asked if I wanted her to take back the sitch that involve OM to start it, asked if I want her to change her status back on FB, I just said you can do or not do what ever you feel you need to do.
I found this passage and thought is sounded fitting:
Frank Pittman wrote this.
ROMANTIC INFIDELITY
Surely the craziest and most destructive form of infidelity is the temporary insanity of falling in love. You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continuing living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet. An affair with someone grossly inappropriate-someone decades younger or older, someone dependent or dominating, someone with problems even bigger than your own-is so crazily stimulating that it's like a drug that can lift you out of your depression and enable you to feel things again. Of course, between moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed, increasingly alone and alienated in your life, and increasingly hooked on the affair partner. Ideal romance partners are damsels or "dumsels" in distress, people without a life but with a lot of problems, people with bad reality testing and little concern with understanding reality better.
Romantic affairs lead to a great many divorces, suicides, homicides, heart attacks, and strokes, but not to very many successful remarriages. No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape. People are most likely to get into these romantic affairs at the turning points of life: when their parents die or their children grow up; when they suffer health crises or are under pressure to give up an addiction; when they achieve an unexpected level of job success or job failure; or when their first child is born-any situation in which they must face a lot of reality and grow up. The better the marriage, the saner and more sensible the spouse, the more alienated the romantic is likely to feel. Romantic affairs happen in good marriages even more often than in bad ones. Both genders seem equally capable of falling into the temporary insanity of romantic affairs, though women are more likely to reframe anything they do as having been done for love. Women in love are far more aware of what they are doing and what the dangers might be. Men in love can be extraordinarily incautious and willing to give up every-thing. Men in love lose their heads-at least for a while.
Fascinating stuff. I have frequently pointed out on this forum that people in GOOD marriage DO have affairs, and have pointed to Harley and others who have documented this. It's one of the places where I think DB falls short, in that its doctrine (or at least the way it's advocated by most people on these boards) seems to ALWAYS assume that the LBS is "equally to blame," and must have things they've done to contribute to the dysfunction in the marriage.
While many times this is true, it's not ALWAYS true, and sometimes a wayward spouse is simply . . . wayward.
So after having all night to sleep on the results, I am still feeling lost. I knew all along what the result would be, but I guess I just hoped for something different. I guess in the end, now I know that when I felt she was lying to me, she was and I was right. I truly feel that I have dropped the rope, and I am now beginning to see a more lonely and depressed W. I think alot of reality is beginning to set in on her mental attitude. Well, I have my PMA, GAL, and continue my 180's. So I guess I will not be the one left behind in the end.
