Second Chance

[KutieKat]

andrew

sounds like things continue to look up for you! i like the thing where she asked you for advice. to me it shows growth for your r

congrats on that! i hope you get your money soon. financial troubles will always be with us, but some times are easier with a little bit of the green! LOL

kitti

[talitsa]

I am finding a useful tool is to continually put myself in her position when she is upset and see how I would feel. This might sound awefully simple but i am male after all and these simple things sometomes illude us.

Great job! I'm actually trying to teach this to my H. For now, I am doing it in the past tense...(when this or that happened, can you imagine how I was feeling?)

He used to guess wrong, ALOT, if it even occurred to him to wonder how I was feeling.

It definately is a guy thing, huh? My H describes it as being like exploring some uncharted land to learn about his own emotional landscape (much less mine, LOL). It must be frightening and frustrating after years of being SO repressed and not having the vocabulary to talk about any of it anyway.

Keep going, Andrew, a little bit of this on your part will go a long way in improving your M.

[KAW]

Hi Andrew,

I ahvent seen a paycheck now for 16 months and it is getting harder to come up with excuses to the people I owe money too. Oh well hopefully over soon.

WOW! That is a long time to go without an income and is certainly a stress factor that would strain any relationship. Hope the deal went without a hitch today?!

... and lotsa good stuff in those talks with W.

'til later,
KAW

[farfromhome]

Gday Kitti

Yep things are looking up all the time in the marriage and it is almost know just like a funny bit of history (probably a bad choice of words). Lots of good pointers to things becomming comfortable with us again and I am really looking forward to getting back home in a couple of weeks and seeing her.

The financial stuff is still on a knife edge and I am loosing sleep over it at the moment. But all the deals have been done and it is just the sweating it out now waiting until the transcations occur. I guess I can officially call myself an entranpaneur now (lol mind you my ability to spell it will unlikely never improve), boy i do miss those pay cheques though.

Thanks for he post, really appreciated it.

Andrew

[farfromhome]

Hi Talista

Thanks for the post. Hey I still guess woring I thing but she can see I am approaching our interactions differently and I also think she can see that in many cases I have a different perspective on issues now in general.

I think it is a guy thing, well from some conversations, how much it is conditioning and how much it is just what we are I dont know . In myself I find myself really focussing in on one thing at a time, this become my 'centre' and everything else can get pushed to the periphory. It doesnt mean the other things are any less important, its just that they are not my in my current tunnel vision. So for the last few years prior to the split my work was the focus and my marriage was not in the tunnel. This didnt mean I loved my wife any less I just assumed she was happy about it and because she didnt hit me over the head with a lump of wood I thought there was no problem. Looking back I can see now that she wss giving me signals on she was not happy in some things and I can actually remember thinking 'well somethining is wrong but I will fix that up later after this project'. Stupid I know but I think a lot of us 'guys' suffer from the same affliction. Now mind you a clear statement of the impending problem by my wife instaed of cryptic messages would have saved us a lot of problems as well . I can laugh about ths now. So I look back it was basically miscommunication - me not 'reading' and her not stating clearly. We have agred that when I get back we will see a C to help us with this a bit. I think this will be good.

Thanks for the encouragement, it means a lot.

Andrew

[farfromhome]

Gday KAW

Wll I can well and truely say that the combination of no pay and the activities of last year has certainly left me with reserves of zero. So the deal is done and still waiting for conformation fo the transfer of cash into the company. So extremely nervous until this happens.

I do believe Im getting this whole communications thing, mind you I have a big beginners sign on me, but we are both trying.

Hope all is well with you.

Andrew

[farfromhome]

Well all

Life continues to move along nicely with my wife. I think the last diagreement on the phone was over a week ago. She is getting very comfortabke being able to say just nice things in general now, like missing me, wihing I was there with her, etc.

While it is hard being apart like we are it has also been good. It has made us both improve our communication skills and has let us miss each other. I know our living arrangement is not perfect but this is really how she has always known me. She would like me to be home but she also knows how important this is to me and she is making a real show of displaying her support to me. Mind you the potential rewards at the other end allow her to put up with a lot (lol). But she know everything we have accumulated is at risk with this now and she has told me to stay here and see it through as she knows I will regret it if I walk away from it.

Boy its great having my best friend back again and knowing I can call her up at anytime to just chat. It is also great to know I dont have to hide my feelings in these calls and just be able to be open to her about how much she means to me. Its great to be able to use those old nicknames we had for each other that I was forever in fear of 'slipping out' in conversations through our seperation.

Anyway as far as the business here I still havent been able to break out that champagne but it is still sitting there in the fridge waiting for the day. This lst week has been truely nerve racking and it looks like I have another week of it yet to go - BLAH.

Andrew

[shinybear]

May the week SAIL by...I can hear the cork popping already!!!

Shiny

[farfromhome]

Gday Shiny

No popping champagne yet. Hopefully all is getting close now but it is frustrating.

Well as far as everything with my marriage all is going along well and I continue to see good signs. We havent had any major crisis or arguements, we bith miss each other and are looking forwad to seeing each other soon.

Actually one big thing was for the first time in a while my wife said I love you to me on the phone when she was sitting with a group of her friends. Might not seem like much but after the call it was a big deal to me as it seemed that 'public' declaration was a major sign to me that we are really 'together' again.

My only real concern now is the business here. We still havent closed off our funding although our 'investors' are coming into town from overseas on the weekend and this should be the last step in what has been a very trying process. However if this doesnt work we will be close to closig down. I have always taken some chances in my life but I have never pushed myself this far, if this doesnt work now I am at the stage where I will have to sell up everything and virtually start over. My health is starting to suffer through this and I am suffering through lack of sleep. Oh well the outcome will be known in another couple of weeks.

I can see the changes with my wife now in that she is really supporting me, she has become my cheer squad again which is something that I had really missed. She accepts now that the company is in a precarious position and she is doing her best to keep spending to a minimum to stretch things as far as we can.

So one more week of watching and waiting, its frustrating when your 'future' is in the hands of someone you have never met. So watch, wait and prepare is all that I can do, I have taken this a far as I can so hopefully things will come together.

Andrew

[farfromhome]

Hey All

For anyone reading I just have a general question. As I read through the threads here it seems that generally there is a 'gradual' get back together pattern. In my case I look back and it was very much like a swicth had been thrown on. One day we were apart, not talking and heading for the final court case, the next day we are back together.

I have explained it before by saying to me it appears my wife swicthed her 'plain of reality' back inot the marriage. I know this was a decision that she thought about for a bit but to me it was as if a light swicth was turned back on.

It doesnt bother me, just it was something I have been thinking of. I know my situation is a bit different in that we are living so far apart but I was wondering if others have had the same experiance. In myself I have no need or desire to 'know' what she did or did not do through our seperation and never think if there was an OM there at any time.

Anyway just some thoughts that have crossed my mind and was interested in other's experiances.

Andrew