My wife has had her free time for four months now.
So if my mom came over it would give me piece of mind, but really throw a wrench into the whole deal for the W.
Hey not a bad idea.
M (46) W (45) S (17) D (14) D (6) T (20) M (17) Seperated 3/2009 . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
So today is the first day that my kids get to go see W's new place. I call her as I am going to be passing by to see if she wants me to swing by and pick them up to save her the trip of bringing them back to me. She agrees to have me take them, but says she will bring them to me down the road. Cuz guess what, OM just showed up 5 minutes ago to drop some stuff off. How is that for a kick in the teeth, one of our so called agreements is not to have the kids around OM. First day and that is broken. Nice. Her excuse is that I wouldn't go pick up the table for her, that is BS, for one she never asked, for two I have told her that if she does need anything she can ask and if I can I would help. Maybe not anymore.
Just journaling. Today began the day that we start filling out the paperwork. It all began with who gets to be plantiff and defendant. This would be the first time in my life that I have been named defendant. However, I am not asking for the D, I am not going to allow her to put my name in the plantiff line. This was a very emotionally draining couple of hours, and we only made it through about 4 pages. I had to walk out of the room for a bit, when I came back in a few minutes later, she had put the papers away, she had apparently been drained too, and I could tell this was not nearly as simple, cut, and dry as she was thinking that it may go. As bad as this sucked for us both, I think it was good for her to realize, whoa, maybe I need to rethink what I am doing. Having to apply dollar figures to our children, are you effing kidding me?!? I need a beer, and a bed right now.
So after yesterdays emotionally draining day, I have gotten a much nicer and calmer W to deal with today. Is this a turn around? Probably not, but I believe she had an eye opening experience with how tough it really will be. I would be happy if we could manage not to backstep again from here, I am sure we will at some point, but this tolerable.
A little advice on this one. Did I do the right thing? I take the kids to the W's house for a sleepover, I had agreed to help set up the TV for her beforehand. My normal mister nice guy, I can't help that. So I show up and she has enough dinner prepared for me too. I agree, she even pours me my fave...... Did I do the right thing by sticking around, I have not moved out of being the nice guy, plan A situtation. I have not gone dark. Then when time rolled around for me to see myself out, I caught her teary eyed, she has not backed down yet from wanting the D. FML
IMHO, you did the right thing by staying for dinner. THE DB way is happy, upbeat and casual much like a good friend would be. As long as you can do dinner or whatever with that attitude, do it. Setting up the TV - not a big deal IMHO as long as you're not at her beck and call for every little thing. Once in awhile if it's no skin off your nose, yes. Come running every time she calls, no.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
IMHO, you did the right thing by staying for dinner. THE DB way is happy, upbeat and casual much like a good friend would be. As long as you can do dinner or whatever with that attitude, do it. Setting up the TV - not a big deal IMHO as long as you're not at her beck and call for every little thing. Once in awhile if it's no skin off your nose, yes. Come running every time she calls, no.
Well today didn't turn out so good. W asked for some advice on something, turned out to involve OM in a round about way, I told her never to ask for my assistance on anything in the future again if it is going to involve anything with him again. She got mad at me, wouldn't quit calling over and over until I finally took a call after an hour and a half of repeated calling. She even went as far as deleting M on Facebook page. Now she keeps appologizing for hurting my feelings, offered to change M status back, I just said do what you want to do, but don't do anything you don't want to do. We are still not listed as M, so I know what she doesn't want to do. FML
