Well it's been 8 months since the bomb and the wounds are still quite fresh.went to court for custody and basically had to take what the offered so I could see my children.the W has just been someone I do not know.one day calm the next day just down right vicious.we go to court Thursday for spousal support which should push her over the edge.this has all been an horrible tragedy for my kids.the two youngest S8, D6 are really taking it hard and it just rips me apart to no end.two older boys S14 and S12 have been getting into serious trouble.S14 was at a BDay party at a neighbors that we both agreed he would not be at.well he wound up getting drunk.(not happy).S12 broke into an unattended home and they vandalized the home and caused a good amount of damage.
All of this is my fault of course because I won't move out of the marital home.I have tried to talk to my W and voiced my concerns but it falls on deaf ears.I don't think that a divorce is the right course of action.she claims she doesn't want to get hurt again.I have tried to get her to go to counseling but she won't.and every time I ask her where are problems are I get a different answer.I need to know it just drives me crazy.yet she won't talk
Any suggestions would be helpfull.I havent read any of the DB books yet as I am on half a shoestring budget.I have read the 5 love languages and desperate marriages.lucky the library had them.I actually gave them to my W to read and she was very pissed after reading love languages.she said she has been trying to tell me that for 20 years.which I think is total BS maybe the last two years yes 20 no way.
I have been taking better care of my self.I gave up cigarettes 18 months ago, and have been clean (weed) for 9 months.I very rarely drink, a beer here and there but that is it.I have lost 12lbs on the(I'm Leaving)diet.and I have been exercising.
The empty nest is killing me.the thought of uncertainty.to much quiet time.and the lack of funds to do anything.the whole sitch could just suck a bowling ball through a straw.
Anyway thanks in advance God Bless
H 49 W 42 S 19 S 14 S 12 S 8 D 6 M 19 Bomb dropped 2/09 Separated 5/09 still hopeful, praying
I am bumping this up for some of the more experienced posters...
There is an awful lot going on in the one post and someone out there will help
Did you check at the library for the DB or DR books? I know mine didn't have them but I know others who checked them out from the library...
I will say this...
Don't fret...
I know easier said then done...
Stop trying to get her to go to counseling...
Stop taking the blame - Nothing is ever one persons fault...
You don't "need to know" anything at this point...
Stop trying to make her tell you what is wrong because right now she doesn't even know...
Good job on quitting the weed and smokes...
Good job on losing weight...
I am on the same diet lol
Originally Posted By: harpo
The empty nest is killing me.the thought of uncertainty.to much quiet time.and the lack of funds to do anything.the whole sitch could just suck a bowling ball through a straw.
You have to much time on your hands and all you are doing is sitting around thinking about the sitch...
You need to get out and you don't need funds to do that...
Take a walk...
Go to Church (if that is something you believe in)...
Visit friends...
Anything to take your mind off of what is going on - In other words GAL and start doing some 180's - It really does work...
Post here and read through other peoples' threads...
There is excellent advice offered on all the threads...
I welcome you to the place none of us want to be at
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Serenity13: Thanks for the reply.Yes I am a believer as hard as it is some times.and I do go to church and I play in a worship band.I am a firm believer in giving back to him what he has given to me.
This has also been a crossroads. my W is a redheaded Irish Catholic with all the guilt,temper and attitude included.who I actually would have thought believed in the covenant of marriage.yes I know I am not without sin but I do practice forgiveness,compassion and commitment.
Once again thanks God Bless
H 49 W 42 S 19 S 14 S 12 S 8 D 6 M 19 Bomb dropped 2/09 Separated 5/09 still hopeful, praying
Well this has been a tough morning. It was my first of my two week nights with my children.and only the 2nd time I've had them since this whole mess started.It has been extremely hard.It is hard to spend time with them when all my thoughts are consumed with her.I came to believe this would pass with time it hasn't.my D6 asked why we can't be a family together and I just fell apart.I had to hide in the basement so they wouldn't see me in that state.The adjustment from SAHD to PTD(part time Dad) absolutely sucks.I know I have to try and keep it together for them but it is so hard.My oldest S20 has been my savior.he has been here for me through it all,although his relationship with my W has suffered I ask him not to pass judgment.this has all been a terrible strain on my children and sometimes the guilt can just be crippling.I just keep praying and put it God's hands.I hear the sound of little feat,Time to make the donuts.
God Bless
H 49 W 42 S 19 S 14 S 12 S 8 D 6 M 19 Bomb dropped 2/09 Separated 5/09 still hopeful, praying
How did your wife end up with the kids if you were a stay at home dad? I would have thought that you would get them as the primary caregiver, or am I missing something?
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
So what are you doing to work on your right now....and I mean really work on you? What's going on with the D? Where does that stand? What's your wife's deal? Where are you living and where is she living?
