#65 finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Dawn of Hope]

my mom told me just yesterday that "I have done nothing with my life". I guess that bothered me.

You and me both, Maria. Mostly it isn't said to me, but I can hear it between the lines. This GAL stuff can be a real challenge to carry on with. How many of us here struggle for _years_ with moving forward, given the limbo that our spouses put us into? I would be very surprised if any of the WAS's, MLC or not, understand the kind of a bind they put us in...at least, I don't think they understand it for a very long time, unless they find themselves genuinely in the LBS position. In fact, I'm not sure anyone really understands how hard it is if they haven't been here. Throw in financial issues, depression, things like that, and it's a wonder so many of us make it here instead of going _directly_ to jail or divorce court!

I ended the call very quickly. He is mad at me for "pushing", I can tell. I dont like being the mean one.

Remember, from the MLCer manual (Midlife for Dummies):

NEVER ACTUALLY ADMIT TO ANY FAULTS OF YOUR OWN!!!! REMEMBER, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY! YOU ARE THE GOOD ONE, AND HAD THE RIGHT TO HAVE AN AFFAIR, LIE, SPEND MONEY, OR ANY OTHER THING, BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ARE BAD!!!

Isn't it amazing, the way they all seem to think the same way? And yet, they feel so terribly alone, and _nobody_ understands them (except for OP, of course).

For so long after the bomb, I didn't stand in my H's way about ANYTHING he wanted, because I was afraid it would destroy any chance we had of reconciliation. He lived at home for over a year post-bomb, and I think that had a lot to do with it. When I finally did put my foot down about something (he wanted me to stay away from one night of a community theatre production in which he was starring [I have normally attended every performance of his 30+ shows] so that OW could attend without either of them having to worry about a confrontation with me [even though I can't imagine _any_ circumstances in which I would confront her in public])...he moved out within three weeks. Would he still be here if I had capitulated to him on that, like I did with everything else? I don't know. But I wouldn't be surprised.

I am still fine with how I acted about all of that, the whole time post-bomb, and believe that not giving him anything current to criticize about me is to my advantage...but it is inevitable that sooner or later there will come times when we disagree. Even the most loving and devoted of spouses disagree about the best action sometimes...the difference is that they are more interested in building a stronger R than in getting their way, or getting revenge, or anything else negative. It really bites, but we all (I include myself) have to find a balance between over-permissive and destructively combative in our dealings with our spouses...estranged or not.

Peace and blessings,
Dawn