One thing I can almost guarantee is that she will not come clean about the A. She will not admit to you anything. In fact, she's going to turn around and accuse you of being the one for causing the M to fail. That you didn't see to her needs, blah blah blah.
The cheating spouse will do and say everything against you and will hardly ever come out and admit that they were wrong.
Your W has been setting you up for an exit for awhile. She wanted to leave as quickly as possible so that she could leave with a "clear" conscience.
My suggestion is to not give her an ultimatum. It's not going to work.
Instead, tell her that "I am not willing to live with dishonesty in our R and will not be hurt any longer. These are what I have established as my boundaries. etc." Keep the emphasis on you. The minute you say it's all about HER then she's going to go off and start disrespecting you more than she already has.
When my W had her A, I told her that she had to leave and that I was not going to have my kids around a liar. Pretty harsh, but it set my boundaries.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
