Second Chance

[farfromhome]

Gday Ellie

I might actually be learning her, shock horror. I will still make mistakes and its nivce to know that she expects me to make them. But this is all a journey of improvement isnt it.

Andrew

[farfromhome]

Well All

A little bit of journelling on the week that was. It has been funny and in the long one it has been good. I am seeing in myself how best to support my wife and interact with her and I can start seeing those real signs that we are truely moving forward together.


Yesterday was a funny day. My wife had an accident where she fell head first down some steel escalators. No serious injury but some bad cuts and bruises. She was very lucky that she didnt break any bones or hit her head. Anyway she called me up after it and she was really in shock and at that time we had a closeness that I havent experianced for such a long time. She said that one of the things that she loves about me is that no matter what happens I am the only person that she knows that she can count on in her life and that she knows I will always be there for her. It brought back a lot of memories of what we were like before the hell of the last year and I knew that no mater what hapens now that we have passed our big hurdles. Sure I know that there will still be bad things to happen and issues that need to be dealt with but I think we are going to be ok. Something else that has happened a few times this week is that I have called her and she has been with other people and to hear her say 'My husband is on the phone' and to here her say it with pride in her voice is a big step for us.

I know I am rambling a bit here but I would like to tell the story of how I proposed to my wife. When I first met her I was in a bad way, my first wife was a WAS as well (we were just maried to young and for the wrong reasons) and I was going through a self destruct period where I was drinking heavily and looking for the immediate replacement. I met my wife at a night club and from that we became friends, nothing happened between us for about a year. Friendship turned to more and after about a year and we up moving in together after 3 months. One night my wife and I were talking and she then let me know about the dark time in her life. She had a nervous breakdown when she was 21 and ended up spending 6 months in hospoital a lot of that time strapped to a bed to prevent injury to herself (her parnets seperated through this time mainly over arguements about her). As she told me her story I saw the pain and anguish she felt and I saw into her soul in a way I could never understand. She finished her story and she was the most vulnerable I have ever seen someone in my life looking at me wondering what I was going to say. Without even thinking about it I looked into her eyes and said I would protect her for the rest of her life and would she marry me. I have never said anything so honest and open in all of my life and I have never been so in touch with someone as I was at that moment.

So there was no fancy dinner, no prepared speach, no ring already bought it was just utter honesty and openess between two people. I remember seeing her father the next day to 'ask' for his daughters hand (yes I am very traditional). It is the only time I have seen him cry.

Anyway through my 14 months of hell my hardest thing was relating the woman that I proposed to and the alien I was dealing with. I was wondering where she had gone what had gone wrong. The great thing for me is that this week I am starting to see that woman come back. And that woman I would do anything for because she is the most important thing in my life.

Well I have rambled and told my story. I am so glad now to be where I am but I also realise the journey still continues and will continue for the rest of our lives.

Andrew

[mckn]

G'day Andrew! That last post of yours was beautiful to read. It kind of reminds me why i have fought so long and hard to stick with this fight myself. I know my h is still in that body of his somewhere and he will come out again when he figures out whatever it is he is looking for. Yet i am aware that he may not figure it out too!

Anyway just wanted you to know that i think that was really one of the most touching proposals i have ever heard of. Too many of get caught up in how 'he' proposed etc..
I am doing pretty good still. I think i have mastered the detaching. Its working well!!

Keep it up Andrew, I still cannot believe how well you two are doing. YOu are one of the true miracles of DB!!

Take it easy,
michelle

[KutieKat]

wow, how touching

i can see how trying to tie the two different people together during your down time could be so difficult

kudos to you

kitti

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Wow Andrew,

That was heartfelt and touching.

Hugs!

[farfromhome]

Gday Michelle

For me its nice to be able to look back on these times know without that sick feeling in the stomach wondering want went wrong. I truely hope that you get that which you desire but you seem to be coming out a winner no matter what the result is. I hope for your H sake he gerts himself out of that fog that he is for his own good.

As far as my proposals there are a few times in my life when I have dont the right thing and sometimes the best outcomes are the ones that arent planned. I always had that feeling we were supposed to be together so I am just happy we have that other chance.

Hey I will be in Melbourne when I get back to Oz, well have to book some time for a coffee or a galss of wine or three. It would be great to catch up with you.

Andrew

[farfromhome]

Hi Kitty

I think that is the hardest thing that we have all gone through. The LBS is there looking back at all the good things apart wondering what is happening, the WAS is there looking at all the bad things.

Detaching from her was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but in the end I think we will have a much healthier relationship going forward now because of what we have been through.

Thanks for popping by.

Andrew

[farfromhome]

Hi PnT

Thanks, I didnt plan on typing it out it just came as I was jounelling and thinking about things.

In my heart I am a romantic. One of the things that i look back on through our marriage was that I lost that or misplaced it. I get caught up in life, carear, moving ahead, etc I forgot about the things that are really important. So that is something that I will be working on.

Im not sure if it is a male thing or just me but I have a tendancey to concentrate on one thing at a time. The last few years was carear and wrk. It wasnt that my wife was any less important it just that i was channeling energy into something else. I can see now she was giving me signals that she wasnt happy and that she felt ignored. By the time they were obvious enough to me it was too late, the damage had been done and we ended we were. So I know I have to keep my priorities in sync now.

THanks for the visit.

Andrew

[farfromhome]

Hi all just a bit or journelling.

Things continue to work well. My wife has had a hard week where she has had to move house, dodge debt collectors and move house. In the days prior to seperation this would have meant lots of arguements but instead we havent had one. I can see more the feelings solidifying between us and I am really starting to feel comfortable in the marriage again - but not complacent . I am really looking to getting home in a few weeks and I know my wife is as well. We are starting to plan a holiday together at the end of the year which will be the first one we have been together on for a few years.

I got some great news today from the company over here. We have just agreed to all of the funding for the project and will get the first block of money through this week. When we started the raising we were targetting to get 15M but as of today we have just raised 60M. A bit sad that we may loose control of the company but hey as 10% of it is mine I have a smile on my face .

This has been a hard road, I have been on the knife edge of fiancial ruin for the last 6 months and it looks like it may all come off now. Im a pretty simple guy and after I am finished here in India I am looking forward to taking life easy. Scotch Bar / Restaurant on the beach or teaching are what I would like to do now just for enjoyment. But still a couple of years work to finish here but I can see the end now and see the rewards at the end. The rewards for this arent finaincial they are a freedom to enjoy life and to take it easy.


Anyway I have rambled yet again. Thanks for reading. I went back and read my old posts since when i first got here - wow what a difference. Thanks to everyone here.

Andrew

[farfromhome]

Gday All

Things are moving along ok at the moment. We are getting on well and I am looking forward to getting back to Australia in a few weeks. Still some tensions regards our financial position in that we have so many outstanding bills and I am waiting for the first money to come in through the business here. Hopefully this will happen this week and the worst will be behind us (I find this out tomorrow so fingers crossed). I ahvent seen a paycheck now for 16 months and it is getting harder to come up with excuses to the people I owe money too. Oh well hopefully over soon.

My wife and I interactions are getting better and we seem to be getting very comfortable with each other again - to the extent that some of the old jokes we used to share are coming back into our conversation. My wifes move is finished and she is busy unpacking boxes in the place we have rented (which I havent seen yet) until we ca move back into our house next year.

I am finding a useful tool is to continually put myself in her position when she is upset and see how I would feel. This might sound awefully simple but i am male after all and these simple things sometomes illude us. The couple of times she has got upset she has always apologised to me as well - which is a big step forward.

Another big suprise this week was she actually opened up a bit about her business and asked my advice. This for us is very big as she locked me out of this completly before. I wont push this but let her invite me in as she sees fit - the old me would have jumped into this scenario with a bunch of suggestions that she would have seen as me being controlling - so learning here as well.

Hope all is well with everyone and I will be cracking a bottle of champagne or scotch this week when we finalise all the funding issues. Another nice plus is it looks like I may have to go to Geneva this week coming up - this is a place I have always wanted to go.

Andrew