Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[Faith2010]

HOWEVER, he keeps texting with OW when she texts him...meaning, he only responds and there are no more phone calls between them. But this still bugs me to no end. And I mean BUGS me. What the he!! is the point?

So my question: Do I set a boundary and tell him no more contact at all anymore? Here's the thing I really do believe and know....OW is leaving. She and fiance bought a house. She just got a new job. One month, tops, she's gone, probably less time than that and she's gone. So do I set a boundary (and what's the outcome of breaking that boundary if he does?) when I know that relationship is about to come to a complete end? Or do I just wait it out? Plus really, I can't stop the contact as they work 20 feet apart.

With you and your H....I think you set a good boundary. I think you made it very clear. I think he wants to stay but you aren't going to let him have his cake and eat it too. Also good.

I think it would help you if mentally and emotionally you prepare for him to slowly cut this off, maybe two weeks to end it. That's not that long in the scheme of things and he can do this in a time frame and feel a little less pressure and therefore more prone to do it, to end it. Also be prepared for this: I know for fact my H is not contacting her outside of work, but she's contacting him. Yes it infuriates me that he responds, but again, do I bark up that tree or just let it fall on its own, which I know is coming?

And you don't know who he was on the phone with officially do you? How do you know it was her?

Almost - My perspective regarding contact with OW is H should have NO CONTACT. If H seriously wants to give our M a try, OW needs to be out of the picture. Giving him 2 weeks to cut off contact, to me, is just allowing him to continue his adulterous behavior thus condoning it. Affairs have no place in a M. Period. The end. Perhaps I am a bit hard-headed on this point but lets say I give him two weeks. He may think "well, gee, she gave me two weeks, I bet I can get another week out of her." All the while H is not facing the fact that the contact needs to end and stringing me along while he's at it.

I don't blame you one bit for being ticked off when your H responds to OW's text messages. There is no excuse for it. He crossed the line once and he knows it. It's like a child trying to test their parents' boundaries - see how far they can push.

Personally, there is no more pushing for me. He's in or he's out. There is no place in my M for infidelity. My beliefs and my faith don't condone it. It is disrespectful and I've decided I will no longer tolerate it. Thus the reason I am heading toward setting more boundaries/an ultimatum. Call it whatever one wants but I am going to do what I think/feel is in the best interest of me and my S. Especially since it is quite clear my H does not have our best interests in mind.