I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

25, thanks so much for taking the time out to read up on my sitch and for replying with a great post.

I have not heard of someone having ALL their friends & family dislike a spouse so much as you say your H's did

Things were fine in the beginning, but when H started to spend more time with me, his friends didn't like it. He was the only single one in their entire group of friends and he was available to all of his friends whenever, wherever and they were used to having him around all the time. When he started dating me, that would change. He wouldn't visit them as often and wouldn't take all their calls as often because he would be doing things with me. I was the one who told him that he shouldn't neglect his friends just because we are dating and absolutely in love, and I told him to call his friends and visit them, but he chose not to. He wanted to spend his time with me and HE chose to do that. His friends assumed that I was keeping him from seeing them and that I was being manipulative. Which is SO unfair, I was the one who told him to spend more time with them. I've never said a bad word to them, I was always really nice and meant it and did like them, and because I came around and he wanted to spend time with me, its all my fault. I was not needy at that point, I was very independent. I became needy when he cheated. So they said some really mean things to me, accused me of being an arrogant american, a manipulative B*tch, I'm ruining his life, I'm a nasty piece of work, lots of things that were uncalled for. So H didn't stick up for me, but instead just never contacted them again (but it turns out that he was secretly in contact with them through an email that he thought I didn't know about). I didnt have a problem with his being in contact with him, but I did have a problem with him lying about it to me. His family only hears his side of the story and believes that I ruined his life and doesn't believe that my depression is real. They just think I'm a manipulative b*tch and that I seem to be happy only when I'm on vacation on some tropical island. BS. To be honest, I don't know what else to say about this, I know its crazy that all his friends and family dont like me, but that seems to be how it is.

Where are your friends now living? Can you reconnect with them?

My friends all live in the city, an hour away from me. I go out with them on the weekends when I can and they are helping me so much in terms of getting better and moving on. I love them so much for being there to support me and give advice when I need it.

Your h suggested you learn to "be happy on your own" probably b/c he felt you were relying on him for you r happiness and that's not healthy or fair and in the long run will ruin most m's.

I realize this now and am working on it. I know I relied too heavily on him for everything and I have apologised to him for that. I know that its extremely unhealthy and my C is helping me to get away from that. In in the end, it is really what I want, to be happy with myself and no expect anyone to make me happy, no matter what theyve done to me.

As for the AD's you are getting great advice.

Definitely, I have spoken to my C about the effects. It does seem to be working as I do find myself laughing so much more than before and I even sometimes dance to music which is a huge step for me!

And you must GAL even if you are living with your family and don't have enough money, etc.

I know, I'm definitely working on this. Trying to get out as much as possible. I just bought a bike! And im going to ride it as much I can just to get out of the house. I did finish college, I went back to get my masters but had to drop out because I was too depressed as I found out he cheated that semester. I wasn't able to concentrate in class, i would have panic attacks and I just wanted to stay at home and cry. So I dropped out but I can't go back now as I owe the school a lot of money and can't return until I pay it off which I am working on as well because I really do want to go back and finish my masters.

Did you read the Elizabeth Edwards paraphrasing I posted to k4?

I did and it was very inspiring. I am working on letting go of the past as I don't want what my life USED to be like. I just want to start fresh, start now with the present and just let go of what used to be and not fixate on it. Im working on this with my C as well and she's helping a lot. She has noticed that I am more outgoing than when I first met her and that I am looking forward to the future much more in our sessions than talking about the past which I did when I initially started sessions with her, which is a great sign. I do want to forget the past, I just want to live right now and be happy that I am here now.

I know I will get there. 2 months isnt long at all so I have a long ways to go, but I know what I want, I know I want to be happy. I'll do everything to reach that point. Thank you again for taking the time out to post to me