I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[25yearsmlc]

Could it be that you were depressed BECAUSE of him and/or how your relationship was?

I was very, very happy and content in life before I met him. I was happy and in love with him in the beginning. Everything went downhill when he cheated. And I became severely depressed as a result of his cheating and his lack of communication with me about the whole thing. He hated conflict and never wanted to talk about anything that was in any way negative. And I became even more and more depressed when he would refuse to talk to me about anything. I was always making an effort to try and talk to him, all at different times to see if it would make a difference and he would always come up with an excuse, "we're having a good day, don't ruin it," "I'm sleepy, not now," "we have to go do a photoshoot, do you have to bring this up now?" "I just ate dinner, I need to relax" etc etc etc.

It is never easy to live with a depressed person. But is that all there is?

I became severely depressed over his actions and he didn't want to do anything about it EXCEPT push me to take medication and talk to a C. Which helps, but what about accountability on his part? He played a huge part of this and he wasn't willing to do anything about it, he wasn't willing to go to C with me.

Can you be happy with OR without him?

Right now, I can't be happy without him

You were not happy with him! You were depressed either before he cheated and he used that as his excuse OR b/c he cheated and was selfish afterwards instead of remorseful, and has never had financial stability even at the age of 37, and has not had a long term R with anyone (you say 'except you' as if a 3 yr R is a long one...sorry but it's not)...you are wasting a lot of time trying to get back what might have been BEFORE he cheated on you....not possible...I have to ask, is he your first love? Have you dated other boys or men in the past? How'd those relationships go?

but my ultimate goal is to be happy WITHOUT him or anyone else. I want to learn to be happy with myself and I'm working on that now and I don't want to be brought back down over what he is asking me to do.

some people are not able to have healthy relationships because they haven't taken responsibility for their lives.

He is 37 and has always been financially unstable, has never been in a longterm relationship besides with me, and drinks and smokes in excess and avoids relationship talks. I don't think he has taken responsibility for his life but I think by leaving me, he is trying to. But he hurt me tremendously by going about it in the way that he did.

My wish for you is that you would make the hardest choice possible of letting him twist in the wind a bit. Perhaps the deadline he is up against will make him examine his life, or maybe not.

I don't want to respond to him yet. I really want to wait a week or so. I hope my heart will know what to do because right now, it's completely lost. [/quote]

He has til the 31st to answer so I'd say you have a good 3 weeks. And I'm a L and no way would I sign what I think he's asking you to sign. Why on earth would you? Show some backbone as that would be a 180'...you need your self respect back before you can love yourself. And you can't really love someone else with a healthy way, without that. A lot of your M sounds like neediness and not so much love. Sorry but what I'm hearing from you is loneliness and neediness, not a mature love. I am sorry but that's my take on it. He's a user and so far, you've been an enabler. I don't think you are doing him a big favor by bailing him out, in the long run at least.

But back to YOU...and NOT him....

Imagine your life is a novel. Who is writing yours? How's it going? Who should be writing it? What will the next chapter consist of and how do YOU want the rest of the novel of your life, TO GO?

And by the way, ever think of changing the name of this thread? You can't have the monkey and sheep back. Think of new animals and symbols for the life you are going to take charge of, starting today...
j-