Advice on DB-ing when sep spouse lives at home

[cat04]

Right after the bomb(s), my H commented that he may lose his R with S but maybe someday it could be rebuilt. Keep in mind that I was planning on moving across the country. However, then he changed to nothing will change with S. For a while, I think he truly believed that, or at least refused to believe that S was being negativly affected and that it was either my way of trying to manipulate H into trying or S's way of manipulating me to let him do what he wants (remember preteen/teenager). Fast forward to today, two years after bomb one. Several months ago, S and H got into a knock down drag out fist fight, that H started with his mouth and S finished with his fists. Initially, H wanted to believe it was all S just being brat. Then as it was told to him what was witnessed by outsiders, H realized that he had much bigger role in it than that. Since then, H has tried to be with S if he says he will. This is something we have talked about alot because of how much H is working now. One day a few weeks ago, he said he couldn't believe that I didn't think he struggled with it every day. All I could tell him was that the H that I married I know would struggle with it but him now, I have no clue and that I am saddened because I know this is not the type of father he wants to be and that there is really very little time left before S is an adult. He is thinking. I can see it. I hear it.

Funny how the kids adjust. S wants his father around more and wants him normal, but he has even just started letting H be a whole bunch. I guess they detatch as well. And no my H was not like this for most of S's life either. Yes he has always worked a ton but he was dad, not father.