On the verge of a meltdown.

[harpo]

Well it's been 8 months since the bomb and the wounds are still quite fresh.went to court for custody and basically had to take what the offered so I could see my children.the W has just been someone I do not know.one day calm the next day just down right vicious.we go to court Thursday for spousal support which should push her over the edge.this has all been an horrible tragedy for my kids.the two youngest S8, D6 are really taking it hard and it just rips me apart to no end.two older boys S14 and S12 have been getting into serious trouble.S14 was at a BDay party at a neighbors that we both agreed he would not be at.well he wound up getting drunk.(not happy).S12 broke into an unattended home and they vandalized the home and caused a good amount of damage.

All of this is my fault of course because I won't move out of the marital home.I have tried to talk to my W and voiced my concerns but it falls on deaf ears.I don't think that a divorce is the right course of action.she claims she doesn't want to get hurt again.I have tried to get her to go to counseling but she won't.and every time I ask her where are problems are I get a different answer.I need to know it just drives me crazy.yet she won't talk

Any suggestions would be helpfull.I havent read any of the DB books yet as I am on half a shoestring budget.I have read the 5 love languages and desperate marriages.lucky the library had them.I actually gave them to my W to read and she was very pissed after reading love languages.she said she has been trying to tell me that for 20 years.which I think is total BS
maybe the last two years yes 20 no way.

I have been taking better care of my self.I gave up cigarettes 18 months ago, and have been clean (weed) for 9 months.I very rarely drink, a beer here and there but that is it.I have lost 12lbs on the(I'm Leaving)diet.and I have been exercising.

The empty nest is killing me.the thought of uncertainty.to much quiet time.and the lack of funds to do anything.the whole sitch could just suck a bowling ball through a straw.

Anyway thanks in advance
God Bless