A little bit of journelling on the week that was. It has been funny and in the long one it has been good. I am seeing in myself how best to support my wife and interact with her and I can start seeing those real signs that we are truely moving forward together.
Yesterday was a funny day. My wife had an accident where she fell head first down some steel escalators. No serious injury but some bad cuts and bruises. She was very lucky that she didnt break any bones or hit her head. Anyway she called me up after it and she was really in shock and at that time we had a closeness that I havent experianced for such a long time. She said that one of the things that she loves about me is that no matter what happens I am the only person that she knows that she can count on in her life and that she knows I will always be there for her. It brought back a lot of memories of what we were like before the hell of the last year and I knew that no mater what hapens now that we have passed our big hurdles. Sure I know that there will still be bad things to happen and issues that need to be dealt with but I think we are going to be ok. Something else that has happened a few times this week is that I have called her and she has been with other people and to hear her say 'My husband is on the phone' and to here her say it with pride in her voice is a big step for us.
I know I am rambling a bit here but I would like to tell the story of how I proposed to my wife. When I first met her I was in a bad way, my first wife was a WAS as well (we were just maried to young and for the wrong reasons) and I was going through a self destruct period where I was drinking heavily and looking for the immediate replacement. I met my wife at a night club and from that we became friends, nothing happened between us for about a year. Friendship turned to more and after about a year and we up moving in together after 3 months. One night my wife and I were talking and she then let me know about the dark time in her life. She had a nervous breakdown when she was 21 and ended up spending 6 months in hospoital a lot of that time strapped to a bed to prevent injury to herself (her parnets seperated through this time mainly over arguements about her). As she told me her story I saw the pain and anguish she felt and I saw into her soul in a way I could never understand. She finished her story and she was the most vulnerable I have ever seen someone in my life looking at me wondering what I was going to say. Without even thinking about it I looked into her eyes and said I would protect her for the rest of her life and would she marry me. I have never said anything so honest and open in all of my life and I have never been so in touch with someone as I was at that moment.
So there was no fancy dinner, no prepared speach, no ring already bought it was just utter honesty and openess between two people. I remember seeing her father the next day to 'ask' for his daughters hand (yes I am very traditional). It is the only time I have seen him cry.
Anyway through my 14 months of hell my hardest thing was relating the woman that I proposed to and the alien I was dealing with. I was wondering where she had gone what had gone wrong. The great thing for me is that this week I am starting to see that woman come back. And that woman I would do anything for because she is the most important thing in my life.
Well I have rambled and told my story. I am so glad now to be where I am but I also realise the journey still continues and will continue for the rest of our lives.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
