So, here's my question: He's been making an effort into us, truly (my birthday was all his planning and it was wonderful) and that makes me happy. Yes, he is still responding to her, which I hate and he knows it. But do I set a boundary when I'm positive this will end? Do I have to be in control of how it ends? My gut tells me if I just back off, it will end even sooner. Plus he works with her and I have no way of shutting that down.
Almost,
I understand your need to understand this...
Cold facts ?
This girl, who you despise more than anything, is in your head right now.
She is controlling your thoughts, and how you respond. She is in your kitchen , as they say.
This is one of the reasons to NOT contact the OP through this.
Whatever is meant to happen will happen, but YOUR actions can affect that.
The only struggle I see here is within YOU. What you want, what you feel, what you expect, what you assume, what actions of hers affect you.
The texting her when he is with you ?
I would address that, but in a way that is not-a-ultimatum.
If it affects YOU, then.....You set a boundry for YOU, not to make an impact on him.
It is really NOT okay with me for her to be sending you texts while you are with me and S.
That is all that really needs to be said the first time.
The second time ? Then you need to be ready to enforce that boundry with him.
I.E. If she feels compelled to text you , and you feel compelled to answer her, then you need to find another place to do it, preferably at your own apartment...
Then leave it alone.
Your gut is telling you to be still...Listen to it, cause your heart is in there too.
You really do not have any way to shut it down, nor should you want to, cause that would be a LOT manipulative on your part...
No way to re-build a relationship if you ask me....
