I have tried to do this in the past and it comes across to her as me 'controlling' her through money. So as a new approach I sat down with her when I was back in Australia and worked ut a budget of what SHE needs financially for a month. We did this and agreed to it and as soon as the business kicks off here that amount will be transferred to her every month and she can do with it as she wants.
One of her 'hates' about the marriage is that she had to 'come' to me to ask me for money and that with this she felt like she was a kid completely dependant on me, I have put myself in her shoes and I would not have liked it if the roles had been reversed. Mind you I never said no unless we were really short of cash. I think this way she now does not have to do this and she feels much more comfortable and has some independance. My wife is not money hungry, far from it, she just has never really captured the concept of budgetting, also being bipolar (although this is really getting under control), problems with money and spending are one of the classic symptons.
I dont think her motive was monetary, if it was she would have done other things in the seperation that would have put her in a far better position. Also her solicitor was advising her that she was going to get a big settlement (She showed me her Legal papers) and she actually took a 'risk' in her mind coming back to me. My Lawyer (who tunrs out to be good friends with her lawyer) was giving me the advice that she was unlikely to get anything - no wonder things to to $#$%^ when lawyers get involved.
I feel much better today - her apologising for outbursts is a big thing, she does it very rarely and lately she is doing it whenever she is upset. Much of this stuff would not be happening if I was not 15000 kms away and it is hard having these conversations over the phone instead of in person.
In the end I realise we all have our faults and weakneses, and the money is one of hers although I have seen a vast improvement since we have been back together and one of the things I have learnt is done let yourself get drawn into an arguement - find a way to get out of the conversation. The old me would have decided to stand toe to toe in the arguement but I think I am handling these things much better.
Oh well, its night time and I have a scotch night tonight and am meeting a couple of swiss bankers (oh dear sounds like fun ).
Thaks for your post and concern it is much appreciated.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
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