I just told him that he chose to be homeless and to have a leaking p.o.s. house, he had children and a wife who wanted him and a nice house to live in and he chose to leave it. Then I just had to ask, I asked "What do you gain from refusing to forgive? From holding a grudge? You get to be homeless and have a p.o.s. house, and be angry and depressed. How is that worth it?" I think I struck a nerve...
Good for you. All you did was tell the truth, and the truth is never a bad thing. You refused to play into his "Poor Dan" story, and that shocked the snot out of him.
His comment about not being able to look at you because of your lack of support...I think that's just a smokescreen. He HAS to hold on to something to make you bad and evil, because otherwise he has to own up to the fact he cheated on you probably even more than you know about. He has to own up to the fact that he broke his M vows, destroyed his family, and may be unwilling to give up porn and strippers. Not only that, but he did these horrible things and you are willing to forgive him...making you an even better person...and emphasizing what an idiot "bad guy" he's chosen to be.
So of course he has to blame you. It's not about the farm, it's just his excuse not to face his fear or what he's done.
He's got to get to that point all on his own, and I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about it.
In a strange way, I think real consequences to his actions would make him feel better...maybe? Because holding him accountable shifts the energy, and he'll have to work if he wants to keep you. He's kept you off balance...why change?
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
