I dont stand for my M as the ultimate action of sacrifice or because my religion says to. My monk told me awhile ago- who I truly think speaks not as a human only- that a M should be what is supposed to be. If it is not, God himself does not watch over it... I think I have done my part towards God by being loyal, committed and my husband's wife for as long as we were married.
I dont expect him to transform to someone else, or love me to death overnight... I was expecting him to be true to what he told me in the beginning. That he was willing to try hard and that he loved me. 10 months later, he tried to get us back to pre-bomb era. I am/was holding on to my dream, my quiet homelife, with my kids and THEIR father with me as a family. I dont like this failure on my CV, it makes me feel I will never have a complete normal life. It will be my life as a divorced mom and my life as... who knows!!
Yes, it sucks to be stuck and it sucks to be scared. I am. I am working on that. I will be ok. K
