Here's where I am...kind of like you...but not exactly...but more to think about.
My H's OW just got a new job, she's newly engaged and leaving town. She'll be gone within the month. Since BEFORE she got engaged H has started working on our marriage. Sort of half a$$ed at first, but really started to make an effort 2 weeks before she announced her engagement. Once she got engaged, he really started to mourn the loss of that relationship. That's also when my anger about the last 8 months really really started to surface. But I was told that would happen and so it was not a surprise really for me.
But here is my dilema....I need to know that he picked me. I need to know that he didn't just throw his hands up and say "Oh well, that didn't work out, it was fun while it lasted, I guess I'll go back to my wife." I need to know that he knows I am the prize, ME, not anyone else.
I feel pretty decent that he does know this.
HOWEVER, he keeps texting with OW when she texts him...meaning, he only responds and there are no more phone calls between them. But this still bugs me to no end. And I mean BUGS me. What the he!! is the point?
And he still sees her at work, which there's nothing I can do about. No, he can't quit. He has a very specialized job that he loves and I know he wouldn't quit and I'm not asking him to do that. It wouldn't help anyone. Because then I would feel HORRIBLE guilt that he quit a job he loves that he loves to wake up and go to and then the community would hate me too. Seriously, they would. So I've come to terms with this and completely, I'm fine with it. It is what it is.
So my question: Do I set a boundary and tell him no more contact at all anymore? Here's the thing I really do believe and know....OW is leaving. She and fiance bought a house. She just got a new job. One month, tops, she's gone, probably less time than that and she's gone. So do I set a boundary (and what's the outcome of breaking that boundary if he does?) when I know that relationship is about to come to a complete end? Or do I just wait it out? Plus really, I can't stop the contact as they work 20 feet apart.
With you and your H....I think you set a good boundary. I think you made it very clear. I think he wants to stay but you aren't going to let him have his cake and eat it too. Also good.
I think it would help you if mentally and emotionally you prepare for him to slowly cut this off, maybe two weeks to end it. That's not that long in the scheme of things and he can do this in a time frame and feel a little less pressure and therefore more prone to do it, to end it. Also be prepared for this: I know for fact my H is not contacting her outside of work, but she's contacting him. Yes it infuriates me that he responds, but again, do I bark up that tree or just let it fall on its own, which I know is coming?
And you don't know who he was on the phone with officially do you? How do you know it was her?
