C - I really dont know what to say anymore. "It really gets you confused???"..... I'm confused why you are not doing the things we have been asking you to do for the last 8 mons.
My friend is having the same issues. He has been going through the same crap for the last 6 mons. really more like 2.5 yrs Been seperated then came back together. Now seperated again. She's pushing for the divorce. I showed him how to DB. Be nice. Not mean. Be mysterious. GAL/PMA. She says she's done. No hope. Can't live with him. Well, then he goes over there 2 weeks ago to drop off the boys. He's getting stuff off their computer then he starts flirting with her and they hook up. Next day she is saying it was a big mistake. Doesnt want to give him wrong message. blah blah. He takes my advice and responds "ok thanks" . No whining, begging for another chance, nada...
He continues GAL. Making new friends, new hobbies. Only calls about the boys. Well Sunday night he's over there again dropping off the boys after his weekend. He is again messing around on the computer and she comes in the room and lays on the bed. He offers a massage and bam. end of sleeping together. Next day she once again has to take back control by telling him that they cant to that again anymore. Sending kids wrong message blah blah. *BTW I told him next time. He should kiss her and then leave. BE THE ONE TO LEAVE OR HANG UP. Very important!!!
Bottomline is. He is doing everything right and it's working. He has dropped the rope. Doesnt talk to her about anything other then the boys. Has his own life. Own "new" attitude I want you in my life but dont need you. Has created mystery. Doesnt "pine" doesnt "react emotionally" when she says she is done. Cant do this.... blah blah.
They have been to court for the last 2.5 years. Since she filed. Been fighting over custody. He keeps dragging it out. They would be divorced if not for him dragging his feet. "Standing" for his family.
Bottonline. You have NOT dropped the rope. You are still there for her whenever she NEEDS you. Until you are not she will not "chase" you.
What you're doing has NOT been working. Will NOT work. Well let me rephrase that. If you want to just be friends and co-parents then keep doing it. She has NOT been forced to take RESPONSIBILTY. My friends WAW will start saying "you are the reason I am doing this... I cant live with you... You did this and that.. blah blah... Before he would get pissed and react or say im sorry I screwed up..lets try again... blah. Now he just says "I have already apologized for the things I did before. Those things are in the past and I WILL NOT talk about them anymore. I'm living in the present. If you want to dwell on the past the is YOUR problem." That is the only reason she is starting to realize she has a part in this. That is the only reason your WAW will ever consider being with you again.
Stop being her girlfriend. Keep on standing for your M. Dont be her shoulder to cry on or her massage buddy. Demand she respect you. Demand that she takes her responsibilty. Do it with actions. No calls other then the boys. No dates. Be mysterious. Happy. Respectful. Nice... blah. You know what you need to do, but still think that you can CONVINCE her to come back by being nice or a "changed man", blah. They see right through it. It hasn't worked. It's not working. If she did sleep with you do you think she wouldnt pull back the next day. She knows she has you wrapped around her finger. She knows that she can pull your strings whenever she needs support. She knows that she can justify her actions by punishing you for the past. Until you take all that away she will NEVER give you another shot.
Like Puppy, 25, Sandi and others on this board. We have NEVER seen a WAS come back UNTIL the other person DROPS THE ROPE and becomes the WAS. In some cases maybe if the WAS wasn't truly commited to leaving. But...
. No whining, begging for another chance, nada...
