Running out of gas

[Jimbo]

I finally have some down time, so I figured I would check in a little here. The move wasn't nearly as emotional as I thought it would be. There is something cathartic about physical activity in relation to all of this.

Hate to say I told you so, but....I told you so!

(With apologies to Mr. Shakespeare) Forget the nunnery- Get thee to a GYM!

I've been feeling like I've been responding to events in my life. The past few days have felt like I'm being proactive. I've actually felt a little relieved after finally moving here. Being physically removed from the situation, I don't have the constant reminder of Her everywhere. And now I have a laundry list of things I HAVE to do for me. I can feel the tension in me just beginning to release. Not completely, but it enough for me to notice it in myself.

That's one of the things I've learned on my journey- that us guys who have had their Ws move out are not necessarily at a disadvantage in all of this. We tend to think in the beginning (or at least I did) that the "grass must be greener on the other side" of all of this, and the guys who still have their Ws living at home are at more of an advantage, or must be "doing something right".

Not necessarily so.

The sitch is different, yes, but each scenario has its advantages and drawbacks. For instance, Mach's W still lives with him. While he does get more opportunities to interact with her, and more feedback on just where she is in her process than we do in our sitches, it comes with a price. He has to be mindful of how he interacts with her 24/7, he only gets to let his guard down when she's not around, he has to deal with all the different phases she goes through, and has had to work on himself with her constantly in the background. Not easy tasks, I can assure you.

We're left in the dark with little to no interaction, but we get the time to take care of and work on ourselves thoroughly unhindered, and release those tensions you speak of.

Either scenario is not better or worse than the other. Just different.

[mountain_west]

So I have the D papers sitting on my newly assembled desk. Our initial court date is set for the 20th. W sent me an initial draft of the property division. There are no surprises. We agree on everything in there. If we can get the forms in before the 20th we can avoid going to court altogether, which just seems unnecessary and expensive. The clock started ticking when I got served, so if we get the paperwork in on time we will be officially D'd on Oct 10th. I'm not happy that I have to do ANYTHING to make the D happen and I'm in no rush to get this paperwork filled out, so I'm just sitting on it. I'm tired of dealing with stuff that is forced on me. So there it sits.

Talked w/ DB coach Jodi right before I moved. She suggested I write W a letter. I'm not feeling like doing that either right now.

Other than avoiding the paperwork, I'm doing surprisingly well. I'm more or less settled into my new place, though it feels like I'm house-sitting for a friend. I expect that will change eventually. I used to live just down the street here in the big city, so it isn't a completely new neighborhood. I like the area. My insanely reduced commute is a nice bonus as well. I get 4 hours of my day back. What to do with all this new found time? Internet gets hooked up tomorrow, so I can stop "borrowing" it from the neighbors. Haha. My local friends are all thrilled I'm back in town and are really supportive of my move and are more than happy to do social things with me. So that has been fun, too. I'm actually fun to be around.

[mountain_west]

Jimbo -

Forget the nunnery- Get thee to a GYM!

But that's were all the ladies are! hahaha
My new apt complex comes with a pool, hot tub and gym. So that is on my list of things to do. I finally found my mailbox - yesterday. Lo and behold, right next to the pool/gym combo. My reffing gig keeps me in pretty good shape. But alas, the season has finally ended. Time for the off-season workouts.

Either scenario is not better or worse than the other. Just different.

I go back and forth on which I think is better. Having her home w/ the OM in the picture was horrible, even with him in another country. Silence - I think runs in the face of my need to know things. I just need to let that go. Combine the ticking D clock with the complete and absolute silence and it makes me all twitchy, but I'm workin on it.

[Jimbo]

Combine the ticking D clock with the complete and absolute silence and it makes me all twitchy, but I'm workin on it.

I know where you're coming from on this, bro. Since you and I are both strong problem solvers, this going down the way it has is probably a blessing in disguise for us- it helps to take us out of the picture enough to keep us from trying to "solve" our Ws problems for them, which we can't do anyway. But if you're like me, that doesn't keep you from trying to problem solve even that!

Give it time. Focus on you, and not the D. I know- easier said than done....but just focus all your energies on improving what you have control over (you), and let her bumble around in the dark.

[mountain_west]

The stupid forms that decide how we split stuff up are still sitting on my desk. Regardless, I still need to take care of it. But it is making me grumpy.

[Jimbo]

I know exactly how you feel. My W just sent me another email yesterday about getting the car titles signed over. Now she's wanting to meet me somewhere on Thursday. I still haven't written her back. But it's a part of the separation agreement, and needs to be done. It made me break down in tears last night. G*d, I miss my lover and best friend.

I just need to trust that this needs to happen this way (for whatever reason), and go with the flow- despite that all of this sucks big time donkey doodles.

Sorry, man- I should be posting that stuff on MY thread, and not yours. I guess I'm just trying to say that your feelings are going to run a very wide gamut through this whole thing, and that you should take the time to honor and express those feelings. (Just not towards Her, of course).

How is the unpacking in your new digs going?

I guess you're going to stick me with the bar tab over on my thread, eh?

[mountain_west]

I miss my lover and best friend.

I hear you. I miss mine, too.

I've been dreaming about her lately, which is odd. I wake up all frustrated and angry.

Sorry, man- I should be posting that stuff on MY thread, and not yours.

No worries. It is good to get it out and it seems like we're dealing with similar stuff anyway. Besides, we're fighting over who gets the tab on your thread.

How is the unpacking in your new digs going?

It's getting there. I haven't really been home all that much. I figure getting out was more interesting than unpacking. I went hiking with a friend on Sunday. It was good to go climb a mountain and DO something productive. I actually kept a bunch of stuff boxed up in my garage. I have an entire library that is now in boxes. I think it will stay there for awhile. I have other things I need to deal with first ... like this stupid paperwork. I just need to do it and get it over with. I'm frustrated b/c she just wants to do everything by email - no contact whatsoever. I need to let that go, too, I think. Been thinking about how to send her the financial agreements ... attach the forms ... say something short and to the point ...

W-
Here's the paperwork you wanted. Once we've agreed to the details, I will get it notarized.

MW

I feel like I need to add - something. I don't know.

[Jimbo]

I've been dreaming about her lately, which is odd. I wake up all frustrated and angry.

I still dream about my W, though they're getting fewer and farther between. The last one was very....interesting- I was taking a bath with her. She was laying on her back in the tub, and I laid over her to give her a kiss. She wrapped her arms and legs around me as if she were getting into the kiss, but then she rolled me over onto my back and under the water, still kissing me. I tried to get her off of me so I could get some air, but she had me pinned down and I couldn't get away. (Which would never happen in real life since I could just lift her off of me). The whole time, she was still kissing me as if nothing were wrong. Very disturbing dream....not really sure what it means though.

I went hiking with a friend on Sunday. It was good to go climb a mountain and DO something productive.

Something else to try if you get around to it is geocaching. Hiking with hide and seek AND prizes! Really gets you your "problem solver" fix!

I have other things I need to deal with first ... like this stupid paperwork. I just need to do it and get it over with. I'm frustrated b/c she just wants to do everything by email - no contact whatsoever. I need to let that go, too, I think.

Yup. The whole "no contact" thing is par for the course. W first told me "no contact", then "allowed" email if I felt like it. I took her up on it and wrote three long emails to her which she never answered. Thought to myself, "why am I busting my butt to try to talk with her, when she obviously doesn't want to talk to me?", so I stopped emailing her. Cold turkey. It didn't seem to phase her.

Almost seems like yesterday....the early days when I did stuff just to try to get a response out of her. Now I know better. It's a form of pursuit.

Been thinking about how to send her the financial agreements ... attach the forms ... say something short and to the point ...

W-
Here's the paperwork you wanted. Once we've agreed to the details, I will get it notarized.

MW

I feel like I need to add - something. I don't know.

If you feel you need to add something FOR YOU, then go for it. If you feel you need to add something just to try to get a reaction, I wouldn't waste your time.

Again, just my opinion here, but why are you offering to do her work for her? She wants the D?....Let her get the papers notarized.

[mountain_west]

Again, just my opinion here, but why are you offering to do her work for her? She wants the D?....Let her get the papers notarized.

If we both fill out and sign the financial agreement (and a few other forms), we don't have to go to court. I have to fill out my part of the form, then we both have to get our signatures notarized. So I can fill out the form, get it notarized and fax/email it to her ... or ... we have to meet and get it notarized together. She wants this done by email, "so I don't have to drive all the way back here." It is very thoughtful of her. There's nothing in there that we disagree about or that I want. We've already divided up the stuff.

The no contact thing I haven't understood from the beginning. It's been like this since the met the OM. I know it is guilt on her part. The last time I spoke with her I said something to the tune of, are we just going to not talk to each other ever again? She replied that she would leave that up to me. So I tried to talk to her ... and nada. As usual, there is what she says and what she does and those two things just don't match up. I don't really need to know why. Even if she COULD tell me, I'm not gonna like the answer.

I rarely have dreams about her, which is good. Saturday night, however, it was the W show ... 3 dreams in a row. Stupid subconscious.

[Jimbo]

As usual, there is what she says and what she does and those two things just don't match up. I don't really need to know why. Even if she COULD tell me, I'm not gonna like the answer.

And even if she could tell you, the reasons would change constantly.....