hey sunshine ..i just filled the margherita order and gave it a right healthy push in hopes that it will make it all 3000 miles or so. guess i shoulda attached wings to it lol.
where do you sell your jewelry? just curious. In the place where I used to live, the native americans would come door to door selling turquoise and silver jewelry - some of it quite lovely. They usually just did it when they needed money for holidays, but their work was really very good.
I really like the piece you made with black pearls and also the one with grey-blue stones.
feeling summery tonight - can I offer a glass of chianti?
Kalni...in the immortal words of my good friend here, frank_d:
Quote:
You'll be OK
I try very hard not to let my own sitch influence how I support others, but, after being here for so long, I don't understand why people hang on...hoping and praying...that someone who tells them that they don't love them anymore, disrespects them, lies to them and sleeps with other people (in some cases while they are under the same roof)...will suddenly return to being the exact prototype of spouse that walked down the aisle with them.
During my attempts at saving my M, I talked with marriage counselors...priests...and even now family counselors who all say the same thing, in essence, "how can you expect to save your marriage with someone who is unsupportive, uncooperative and a non participating partner."
Still.. even if one decides to be a longterm DB'er....even Michele endorses an LRT or Last Resort Technique.
Filing....IS...an LRT. It is not a final divorce decree. The only stipulation is...that when you do it, you MUST be prepared to follow through on it lest you be in a MUCH WORSE position than where you are now.
Supporting you. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Sometimes just the words and other people expressing the obvious hits home. Thank you for that....I will keep a copy of this message for the times I get a little melancholy for my old life.
In my opinion there is not enough of this type of writing on these boards. There comes a time whn you have to look at reality in the eye and act accordingly.
John....everyone most make an attempt to save their M...IMO..unless you are truly in a destructive one..meaning drugs, physical abuse, etc. After awhile, as I've posted, it becomes the old fable The Emperor's New Clothes. People become afraid to stand up and say, "Hey....your spouse is f'd up and you need to get out". If you DO say that, frequently, you will be scorned here.
Fear...is a terrible thing to have to confront here. Loss of companionship, loss of intimacy, loss of time with our children, loss of financial security, loss of shared friends.......
Even for 'middle-aged' people like most of us....whether you played football, fly a jet, teach a class of 200 people or operate on people...it's pretty scary.
But hanging on forever...in denial....I think..is even more frightening.
I think..that...unless you are a religious stander (I know some people still standing even after their spouse has remarried, UGH)...you go through your shock and grief; you re-evaluate your sitch, marriage, etc. You take charge and make every effort to save it, change and GAL. You then step back and re-evaluate. Then...the most difficult part of all....is to make a decision. File....or.....(no, I won't say stand)...stay in denial.
JMO.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I agree FIB. Fear is probably the common denominator with most of us. I did not mean to imply that one should not attempt to save their marriage. I told K a while ago that the reason that I do not go to the newcomers board is that I would probably tell everyone to get the hell out of dodge once the bomb is dropped. Just leave and try to move on and not dwell on it. That is easier said than done. However, that is my conclusion after spending the better part of 18 months reading and experiencing the dreaded bomb. If after leaving the WAS wants back in, they had better get in 100% or as they say in your neck of the woods: forget about it!
I dont stand for my M as the ultimate action of sacrifice or because my religion says to. My monk told me awhile ago- who I truly think speaks not as a human only- that a M should be what is supposed to be. If it is not, God himself does not watch over it... I think I have done my part towards God by being loyal, committed and my husband's wife for as long as we were married.
I dont expect him to transform to someone else, or love me to death overnight... I was expecting him to be true to what he told me in the beginning. That he was willing to try hard and that he loved me. 10 months later, he tried to get us back to pre-bomb era. I am/was holding on to my dream, my quiet homelife, with my kids and THEIR father with me as a family. I dont like this failure on my CV, it makes me feel I will never have a complete normal life. It will be my life as a divorced mom and my life as... who knows!!
Yes, it sucks to be stuck and it sucks to be scared. I am. I am working on that. I will be ok. K
I think our fears drive a lot of us. I was there, that's for sure. Try not to think of it as a failure on your CV, I sure don't think it is. Look at waht you have done, and what you have learned. Is that a failure? I don't think so!
