You have to get to the point of realising it is your own journey to make all alone. To go from mountaintop to mountaintop you must travel down into the valley and climb up the other side.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
PMA GIMA, Sending my thoughts your way, I know how you feel at times, but I have been following your sitch for a while, and I am SURE your a better/stronger person now!
You keep me inspired to be strong and have honor myself. There's ups and downs, still, but you'll persevere, It's what GIMA does!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
@Coach, ok, I think I had the wrong mindset - that I was working on me and essentially waiting her out on whatever decision she came to. I see your point, but other than improving me for me, I'm not sure what the goal is. Maybe that is the goal - to be a better person for just that. Think I'm climbing out of the valley this am.
@IWITW, thanks for the encouragement. We all need that from time to time.
Last day at Disney. Just got to park. D wanted to go to Magic Kingdom. S decided he wanted EPCOT. I see this irked W - does she want us all together? Maybe just W and the kids? Anyway, W finally gives in to S after I volunteer to take him to EPCOT while W and D go to MK. W seems to be in a snippy mood this am with the kids but not me. Strange.
Blow it off (the snippiness). Esp. if W is an introvert, Disney can be enormously overstimulating. Yes, maybe she had expectations *drumroll* that the family would be all together. Maybe she's tired, footsore or needs to eat. Maybe she had bad dreams or just woke up funny.
Whatever it is - doesn't matter. Just enjoy the day with your kids.
Last edited by Dia; 08/04/0902:57 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
So, we are leaving Disney and heading to my in-laws who live close by. I expect everything to be pleasant - they always have been. I will spend the afternoon at the pool with the kids.
I am guessing either W or I will be sleeping on the couch - guessing she will volunteer to take the couch and expect me to say no, I'll take the couch. I get up earlier so might make more sense for me to be on the couch.
So, just so I'm prepared, if my in laws ask what's going on with our R, I plan to just say we are dealing with it and that be the end of it.
Why don't you have a discussion with her about what to say to her parents. Seems like she should be the one to talk to them about it if something needs to be said. No matter what you say, you will be wrong.
Just returned from dinner with the family and in-laws. Went fine. Not sure what's up with W (and I'm not gonna try to figure out) but she's my best friend again. Apparently this appearance is important for her.
Coach's advice this am really made a difference to me. This is MY journey - mine alone.
When we first got to my in-laws, I changed and went to work out - I really needed it. When I got back, W had set out our bags in different rooms - didn't expect otherwise.
I will not attribute any progress/lack of progress to W's decisions about sleeping arrangements for the trip. Maybe we have made progress and she just isn't ready to acknowledge it or isn't ready to sleep in the same bed with me. SHE will have to sort through that.
I am proud of myself for deciding to work out today. Old me would have not done that b/c I needed to stay at in-laws to help with the kids. Kids were fine, so I went to work out. I would imagine this surprised in-laws. But that's not why I did it.
Tonight and tomorrow are more opportunities for progress.
Don't you worry about the sleeping arrangements. The vacation went well and it was as a family. You can safely say that the memories will last a lifetime.
They are her memories, too. And she is weighing how the kids will be hurt in a D. You can bet that.
Keep climbing that mountain, because you can.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Morning everyone. Slept pretty restlessly last night here at in-laws. S and I had one room while W and D had another.
I had my first nightmare about the D. in my dream, W had already filed for D and gave me the papers while we were at my in-laws. Good God, now even my subconcious is getting in the act, or is it just finally manifesting itself? Either case, its just a dream.
Maybe my dream was prompted by something my FIL said last night about something I showed him with his tv remote last time I was here. He said he really liked the tip and that the "would be my legacy.". What?! I'm not planning on leaving or dying! Jolted me at first, but I quickly let it go.
The dream did bring up a memory from the week before W dropped the bomb. I had a dream W was having an affair. I did not think much of it, and, like all weird dreams, I told my W about it. She actually brought this up when she dropped the bomb - she said me telling her was "nice" only she was being very sarcastic. WTF, now Ikm being blamed for my dreams?!?!!!
So just now, my MIL walks in and hands me the electronic files for the taxes she filed for my business last year "so the person who does my taxes next year" will have that information. Great. Why do I get the feeling everyone is backing away from me?
We drive home today. I expect we will have a pleasant trip with talk about anything except us - obviously I won't have that conversation in front of the kids.
Praying for strength, honor, patience and love. I feel my love for W slowly dying.
I am actually doing better than I sound in my post. But, I do not think things are moving in a positive direction.
Just enjoy the day with your kids.