A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[sandi2]

I thought of one more thing I meant to say. In response to what you said about being the WAS and showing your regret to your H, etc. I believe that you expressed everything in your letter to him and that you shouldn't have to continue to state your remorse and continue to apologize to him. To me, there comes a point of doing it too much and the LBS would begin to lose a certain amount of respect b/c they would see the WAS being pathetic. Even as a WAS, I feel that it is very important to maintain dignity and self-respect. Yes, we can feel great remorse for what we did, but I don't think that it requires us to continually assure the WAS how repentant we are. (Since you are not in the house with him, it would appear that you were doing that a lot.....IMHO.) So I don't think you should feel that you should have to coninue to do that. I am a firm believer in not placing ourselves (if a WAS or a LBS) as any sort of doormat position in the R b/c that loses respect from the other spouse.

I think what I was trying to say in my post last night was that I hope since the physical affection is your LL and you have expressed how much you miss and need him (which is fine to do that here), it may be your undoing if you show “neediness” to him. Perhaps you are just doing that here on the board and that’s fine b/c it’s what the board is for. Better to do that here, right? I was concerned in the beginning that you were being too eager in giving him praises, but you know this man better than anyone else, so you need to use your best judgment in these matters. And, for some reason, I thought the two of you were still under the dame roof in the beginning of your thread. My bad.

I agree with everyone else that you are doing great. I think I am kind of like a “mamma” to a lot of people here…wanting to warn my children to be careful. That last statement is meeant to be one of endearment and not a slap in the face.